Chick #1: Yeah, I was hoping to get all these painkillers by Thursday because I have to go home to see my mom in a play.
Chick #2: Can’t you just get them when you get back?
Chick #1: Yeah, no… My mother is starring in The Vagina Monologues.
Chick #2: Ouch.
Chick #1: See, that was my first thought.
–Goodbye Blue Monday, Bushwick
Overheard by: Sarah
Guy to group of teenagers after doors close on crowded train: You know, in this city we move in on the trains.
Girl #1: We’re not tourists, you know.
Guy: Then you should know better.
Girl #1: Oh, just shut up.
Guy: Didn’t your father teach you to act better?
Girl #2: Her father is dead.
Guy, after slight pause: Well, maybe that’s why she’s such an obnoxious little twat.
–1 train
Overheard by: LSB
Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Kid in stroller: I want rice!
Mom: You don’t want no rice.
Kid: I don’t want no rice.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: djingo
A woman and four fancifully-dressed little kids are waiting to cross the street.
Little girl: Can’t we cross the streeet? What are we waiting for?!
Stressed mom: Your father. Remember? The guy you want to be cremated with?
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: Elm City Lass
Mom to toddler screaming in stroller: That’s it, sweetie. Let it all out. Doesn’t that feel good?
–TJ Maxx, 19th & 6th
Overheard by: Manhattman
Mom to toddler: Joseph, stop walking like a tourist!
–51st & 5th
Overheard by: Gillian
Mother to toddler running into automatic revolving door: You best not hurt yourself or I will fuck you up!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: HelloClairice
Man to child in stroller: … Then we push her over the edge of the cliff. That’s called getting even!
–President & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: George
Mother to three-year-old daughter: Hey, it’s Santa on the phone. And you know what he says? Stop taking my credit cards.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: lish
Mom to two small children struggling to get through the crowd: Just push them all as hard as you can! Use your fists and elbows, too!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Ivy270
Father hand-in-hand with seven-year-old boy who’s singing national anthem: That’s right, sing it loud and sing it wrong.
–Times Square
Kid: Dad, what’s a novel?
Dad: It’s a story written down in a book.
Kid: What’s a short story?
Dad, staring at kid: Are you freakin’ kidding me?
–Father Demo Square
Overheard by: z-pfeiff
Little girl totters from side to side.
Mom: What are you doing, honey?
Little girl: Today I’m going to walk like Daddy!
–117th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: amused bystander
20-something girl with mom, hands full: Could you hit One for me?
Man, pushing button: You’re welcome.
20-something girl: Oh! Thank you.
Man: Learn some manners.
20-something girl: Man, I’d tell you to fuck yourself if my mom wasn’t with me.
–20th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: My father is, like, my retarded child.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Rick
Chick on cell: My father’s sister moved there. Then my aunt went.
–29th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Drunk guy: Ew! Mom and Dad have foot sex? I don’t even want to think about it!
–Far Rockaway train
Overheard by: Liz
Little tourist girl: A lot of people are wearing black today, Daddy.
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Scarfish
Woman to another: Every time I get pregnant, I always worry, ‘Who mah baby daddy?’
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Guy to friends: So, you didn’t fondle her dad’s belly?
–Columbus Circle
Student on cell: Hi, Dad! How are you? [Long pause] This is your son.
–NYU Law
