Guy #1: I shouldn’t even pay rent in my house, I’m out so much. I should be homeless; I’m barely ever there.
Guy #2: You could live at the ASPCA!
Guy #1: Yeah, the ASPCA. It’s a good place to live. My ex-girlfriends live there.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Overheard by: Barnaby McSwooptang
Man: All our stores are in the St. Louis area.
Woman: So all your stores are in Ohio?
–Javits Center
Girl #1: You shouldn’t waste all that food; there’s people in countries like China who are starving and would love to eat that.
Girl #2: …People in China don’t starve; they have Chinese food there.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Carly
Tourist lady: Um, I have a non-train related question.
MTA guy: What?
Tourist lady: Is there a nice place to get some coffee or tea around here?
MTA guy: Yeah, outside.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: rod vanderlaan
Announcement: Please be nice going on and off the escalators.
–Smith-9th Streets station
Overheard by: Fulcanelli
Girl #1: I don’t understand why they gotta say “How you doin'” and “Have a nice day.”
Girl #2: They’re trying to be nice, stupid.
–KFC, 125th & 7th
Overheard by: Edwina P. Garza
Guy #1: …he always wears the cheapest clothes but always has the most expensive sneakers!
Guy #2: Yo, white people bug me. They always wear crappy clothes, they be wearing green shirts, brown shirts…
Girl: But they always have nice cars, houses, they go on nice vacations. I’d rather wear cheap clothes and have a nice house and go on nice vacations.
Guy #1: You’re missing the point!
–N train
Overheard by: tanechka
Tourist girl #1: Stop acting like a tourist!
Tourist girl #2: But I am a tourist!
Tourist girl #1: But it’s embarrassing.
Tourist girl #2: If you’re embarrassed over what a ton of people you’ve never seen before and never will see again think, you’re never going to have any fun. Tourists are allowed to act like dorks.
Tourist girl #1: Then why do you make fun of tourists in Boston?
–Doubletree Metropolitan Hotel, Lexington Avenue
Hag: I can’t imagine dropping off my brother at the airport all like, “I’m okay with never seeing you again ’cause you might die in battle.”
Queer: Well, at least he gets a whore.
Hag: What?
Queer: ‘Cause you know they get whores in wars.
Hag: What are you talking about?
Queer: Hello? World War II?
–Olive Garden, Times Square
Dude #1: What’d that guy want?
Dude #2: White guy wanted to know where the Kangol hat store was.
Dude #1: Him?
Dude #2: Yeah, must be from Jersey.
–Times Square
Overheard by: chris b.
Chick: I’ve already slept with 6 professors and it’s only two weeks
into the semester.
Guy: Tell me about it. I slept with this one prof last night…he really taught me a thing or two.
–4th & Mercer
Overheard by: Timothy Leary
Mother: I’m pretty thirsty, honey. Are you thirsty?
Little girl: I’m not thirsty. I’m thirsty for toys!
–Museum of Natural History
