Race

God, I’m So Bad at This — Could We Go for Coffee?

White girl: Excuse me, excuse me! God, you have a great skin. Do you tan?
Latina chick: Do I what? It’s December…
White girl: No, [sighs], I mean, do you use a spray-on or do you go to a salon? You know, a salon where you lay in a booth…
Latina chick: No. This is my skin color.
White girl: I can see that, but how did you get it that color?
Latina chick: This is the color I was born with.
White girl: Okay, but how is it so brown when you have green eyes?
Latina chick: Did you just smoke crack?
White girl: Look, it was just an innocent question. I don’t see why you have to get so personal…
Latina chick, turning on iPod: I hate everybody.

–3 train

The UWGCF Is Usually Known As ‘Society’

Teen girl #1: So, I was talking to her and I said, ‘You’re lucky you’re a minority, because you can get more scholarships for college.’ And she told her friend, and now I’m a ‘racist.’ What the fuck?
Teen girl #2: How is that racist? It’s true! I don’t see a ‘United White Girls College Fund.’
Teen girl #3: It’s called ‘affirmative action.’ Look it up.
Teen girl #1: And why would I be racist? I love black people! I listen to rap.

–Brooklyn High School

Good to See That Stereotype Becoming Race-Neutral

White hipster #1 watching a white guy climb a streetlight: What the hell?
White hipster #2: White people are crazy.
White hipster #1: Yeah! They’re like monkeys!

–Orchard St near Houston

Overheard by: Julian

I Can’t Figure Out What Their Relationship Is

Man: Spanish?
Girl: Not in the mood.
Man: Itaaalian?
Girl: Nooot in the mood.
Man: French?
Girl: [Silence.]Man: You ever been with a black guy?

–Bus

Overheard by: Jesse

Help Me, Sidney Poitier! You’re My Only Hope!

White chick: They’ll believe you raped me when I was drunk!
Black guy: Baby, don’t play that game with me.
White chick: Why not? I can — you’re black!
Black guy: Aw, shit!

–29th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Scott

It Strains Credulity How Many Different Kinds of Difference Exist

Guy: I can’t believe they used an Indian family for that commercial. For the love of God, their last name was Kumar-swami!
Queer: What kind of name is that? They definitely should have used a white family.
Guy: It was a Verizon commercial, for Christ’s sake. If you want to get racy, use a black family. But Kumar-swami — that is just too much!

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

I Mean, Come On! How Many Times Did the Barbarians Sack Rome?

Asian girl #1: So Alicia is, like, half-Portuguese because her mom is Portuguese.
Asian girl #2: I thought she was Brazilian…
Asian girl #1: Yeah, Brazilian. And her dad is Italian. Like from Italy. He’s, like, a hundred percent.
Asian girl #2: Wow.
Asian girl #1: I know! It’s, like, unbelievable.

–Astoria

And Pissed about It

Smart girl #1: I didn’t know Lady Sovereign was white.
Smart girl #2: She’s not white, she’s British.

–Virgin Records

So He’s Either Kung Fu or Karate

NYU student #1: Joe is conservative, Ann is liberal, Todd is liberal… What’s Alex?
NYU student #2: Alex is just Asian.

–The Met

Overheard by: Apolitical

…Covering ‘Turning Japanese’

Hipster #1: Okay, so I am going to tap out a song on the table, and you are going to guess what it is!
Hipster #2: Okay, go. [As #1 taps] Oh, oh! I know! ‘Hakuna Matata,’ right?
Hipster #1: Um, no! God, you are so racist — just because we’re in a Japanese restaurant, you think it’s gotta be a Japanese song! It was ‘Death Cab for Cutie,’ you fool.

–Nobu, Hudson St

Overheard by: trying not to laugh behind them

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