Girl #1: Actually, no. She ate a bug once we got to Lake Michigan — wind blew it right down her throat.
Girl #2: Oh, no! But bugs have lots of protein, so that’s good.
Girl #1: They say that about semen, too, though, so I don’t know how much of a comfort that really is.
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Michelle
Guy who just got empty seat: My day just went from good to great!
Tourist lady: Oh? Why was it good?
Guy: I got to hug my therapist and talk about bogus relationships.
Tourist lady: [Stunned silence.]Guy: TMI?
Tourist lady: Ummm, yes [giggles nervously and turns away].
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Man: The one time I bought a steak from here I left it out and it turned all brown.
Cashier: Yeah?
Man: Yeah… But then the next time I just put it in my pocket and it stayed good all day.
–D’Agastino
Overheard by: kimmy-yo
Headline by: Gaping MAW
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Ask Where He Keeps the A-1…” – the horologist
· “Gives a Whole New Meaning to Meat-packing” – Gosia
· “He Said, As He Pulled Out His Penis.” – Allan
· “I Got a T-Bone in My Pocket with Your Name on It” – Marc Bernard
· “My Crotch Always Has a Chilling Effect” – Rhys Southan
· “Worst Pickup Artist Ever” – smittie
Queer: So he showed up at the store in a t-shirt and towel and asked for Butt Paste!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rachel P
Queer: I will have no part in making babies!
–Brooklyn-bound A train
Queer to approaching fag hag: Hi! Oh my god, you really do look like a suicide victim!
–Blockheads, 50th & 8th
Overheard by: ashley
Teen queer to friends: Hey! Tell pickle-juice-titties to come on! We gettin’ up out this faggot function.
–135th & St. Nicholas Ave
Overheard by: Just Another Harlemite
Queer: When I get bored around two in the morning I start throwing a rubber band ball at the wall. Then I take a cardboard box and use it to keep the ball from hitting me… It’s a rush.
–185th & Bennett
Overheard by: LSB
Guy #1: Wait, who here has slept with a drug dealer?
Guy #2: I have.
Guy #3: I have.
Guy #4: I have.
Guy #2: You have not.
Guy #4: Yes, I have — Esther.
Guy #3: Esther’s a drug dealer?
Guy #4: Hells yeah!
–Columbus, between 67th & 68th
Woman in sweats: I liked playing Scrabble with her… She killed her daughter with a hammer and a shovel.
Man in sweats: Yeah?
Woman in sweats: Well, she beat her first with the hammer and then the shovel.
Man in sweats: Huh.
–5th Ave & Prospect Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: dusdin
Dude: Did you hear the queen’s in town?
Chick: Our town?
Dude: Not necessarily.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Man: Have you heard from Jim recently?
Woman with heavy Russian accent: Yes. He says he’s not having much sex.
–Hard Rock Café
Overheard by: Just trying to get to Bubba Gump’s
Stoner: She did coke, like, six times last week and was bleeding out of her nose.
Black girl: Ahhh, I love her.
–82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: yoni
Hobo #1: The scientists are destroying the universe!
Passerby: I totally agree!
Hobo #2: And religions, man! Fucking religions!
–4th & Ave A
