Girl #1: So she was, like, cracking up, and we had no idea why–
Girl #2: —So I spread my legs!
Girl #1: Then we all got it [laughs].
–NYU
Girl #1: So she was, like, cracking up, and we had no idea why–
Girl #2: —So I spread my legs!
Girl #1: Then we all got it [laughs].
–NYU
Friendly male barista: Hi, what can I do you for?
Stoner #1: I’m not a fuckin’ queer, man.
Stoner #2: Yeah, man. And even if he was, he’d be mine!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: The girl in line behind this guy
Older dude: We know you want to do a 14-year-old boy.
Younger dude: [Smiles uncertainly, speechless.]Older dude, a few minutes later: I’m not saying you would like to do a 14-year-old boy…
Younger dude: Thank you.
Older dude: I would like to do a 14-year-old boy.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Anthony
Dude #1: Mike’s always talking about how he has no gag reflex.
Dude #2: Would you let him blow you?
Dude #1: Fuck no, I’m not gay!
Dude #2: Blow jobs don’t have a gender.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: chelsea
NYU girl #1: It’s almost like… a pseudo-lesbian crush… I mean, I don’t wanna touch her or anything.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, I don’t wanna touch her, I just…
NYU girl #1: I just, like, want her to lay in my bed with me and tell stories.
–Washington Square Park
Biotech #1: I hate her, she’s so ugly.
Biotech #2: She’s a drag queen.
–Trump Atrium Party, 5th Ave between 56th & 57th
Overheard by: Tim
Queer #1: Ok, so read their body language and tell me if you think they are: 1) on a first date, but may go ahead and fuck tonight; 2) they are on maybe their third or fourth date, but have definitely had each other’s cock in their throats by now; or 3) they are full-on dating and fucking.
Queer #2: They’re on their first date. They’re way too into each other to already be dating.
Queer #1: Nice.
Both at the same time: Who do you think is the top?
Queer #2: Who do you think?
Queer #1: Well, just because white shirt is so hot, I’d want him to be the top. But, as you know, “Man of Steel, Heels of Helium.”
Queer #2: I know… Plus, the other one has to be the top. A bottom would never wear a plaid shirt.
–Nowhere Bar, E 14th Street
Overheard by: Gina Bruce
Hipster girl: I think he wanted to know if you were bisexual.
Hipster boy: Well, I prefer the term hetero-flexible.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Adrienne
Queer: Darling, if I were to undergo de-gayifying electroshock therapy, I swear that you would be my first piece of woman to pursue.
Girl: No, never.
Queer: Ummm… And why not?
Girl: Because then you would just be another hot-on-the-street like the rest. Stay gay, I love you that way.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Adrian
Teen girl: So somehow we all ended up in our underwear, then Katie suggested Truth or Dare. That was weird. I had to give her a lap dance, and Sarah had to lick my tits, and freaky stuff like that. It was more like some lesbian orgy than a sleepover.
Teen guy: That sounds… so hot.
Teen girl: Oh my God, I thought you were gay!
–R train
