Tourist teen with new Uggs: Ma, can I wear these out of the store? Please?
Tourist mom: Are you fucking insane? Do you want them to be black in this filthy place? I just paid a hundred and fifty bucks for those. Take your feet out of them and don’t stick them back in until we get back to Michigan.
–David Z, 5th Ave
Overheard by: nicole h.
Rich girl #1: So, let me get this straight — they weren’t even nice to you until after your brother died?!
Rich girl #2: It’s like they didn’t even know I was alive. My whole life was always, ‘Christopher this and that… Why can’t you be more like Christopher?’ Ugh, shut up!
Rich girl #1: That’s fucked up. Your parents are supposed to love everybody the same and now they’re trying to buy your love because they feel guilty. Seriously! They bought you a Cayenne and you didn’t even ask for it!
Rich girl #2: I guess it’s fucked up, but so what? My love happens to be for sale.
–Barneys
Overheard by: Sally
Goy #1 examining a mezuzah: What are these things?
Goy #2: I think it’s a Jewish decoration.
Goy #1: Oh, yeah. I’ve seen them in Jewish people’s houses.
Goy #2: Yeah, I think it’s called a dreidel.
–Abigael’s on Broadway, 39th & Broadway
Overheard by: BobsBigBoys
Tourist lady: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes, ma’am. Can I help you?
Tourist lady: Yes. Where are the toilets, please?
Employee: Up the escalators and take a left.
Tourist lady: Thank you. Number one or number two?
Employee: Well… You can do either, ma’am…
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Male employee #1 refolding shit-load of shirts: If I ever see a girl on the street wearing one of these shirts, I’m gonna punch her in the face.
Male employee #2: Yeah.
–Urban Outfitters, 11th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shelby
College student: Hey, what’s up?
Grad student, slowly: The stench of humanity is strong within my nostrils.
–Hungarian Pastry Shop
Guy #1: I don’t know… Which bag should I get?
Girl employee: Well, you should get a laptop cover and a padded bag.
Guy #2: Excuse me, that’s not necessary.
Girl employee: Well, that way it keeps your computer safer.
Guy #2: But it would be like wearing two condoms at the same time.
Girl employee: True.
Guy #1: Thanks. To both of you. I have a lot to think about.
–Apple Store, Soho
Girl #1: What do you mean I’m ‘the cutest thing ever’? I’m 21! What am I, a puppy?!
Girl #2: All I meant was you wear colorful clothes and smile a lot!
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Abram
Girl picking up a sweater: This is so cute!
Friend: Ick!
Girl, pointing at a pair of jeans: Oh, I love those! They’d fit me really nicely.
Friend: Um, no.
Girl, pointing at a dress: … Is this cute?
Friend: Meh.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: SUSAN
Blonde: Gosh, these lines are, like, so long.
Brunette: Yep.
Blonde: I’m, like, not from here so, like, I’m not used to this.
Brunette: Uh-huh.
Blonde: I’m actually from, like, Ohio. Where are you from?
Brunette: Albany.
Blonde: Oh my gosh, really?! Say something in Albanian!
Employee passerby: Fucking tourists…
–Banana Republic Women, Soho
Overheard by: MistressSilver
