Preppy girl #1: Are these boyfriend panties, or are these cheating-on-your-boyfriend panties?
Preppy girl #2: I think they’re a little slutty.
Preppy girl #1: So, for cheating?
Preppy girl #2: Yeah.
Preppy girl #1: Do you think this is all they have, or is there another drawer?
–Victoria’s Secret
Chick: Please, please, please get these for me.
Guy: [Laughs, shakes his head.]Chick: I promise I’ll give it to you 10 times today.
Guy: I don’t need you to. I get it every day.
Chick: No, you don’t! You haven’t gotten it in a month!
–Sneaker store, 82nd & Roosevelt
Overheard by: Liza
Shopgirl #1: T-shirt! Deep-fry your t-shirt, and then he’ll be all, ‘Mmm!’ and eat it off you!
Shopgirl #2: Yeah.
–Borders
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Little boy: Mom! Mom, look! Mo-ooom!
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: They have douche bags! Should we buy some for Daddy?
–Pharmacy
Overheard by: Oh really?
Chick, to loudly burping friend: Oh my god, did you seriously just burp out loud in Bergdorf’s? Who are you?!
–Bergdorf’s
Overheard by: trooshieb
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
Boyfriend: I love Barnes and Noble.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I love books.
Boyfriend: Me, too. I just wish I liked reading.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Headline by: Tosser
Runners-Up:
· “As long as it gets the poo off my ass, I’m happy” – Jim C.
· “But I have a nice set of Hemingway coasters.” – Sarah K
· “But get enough of them together, you have one hell of a fort.” – DJR
· “I just like to judge them by their covers” – Peter
· “It’s goal number 2, right after learnig to color inside the lines” – kristen
Tourist teen with new Uggs: Ma, can I wear these out of the store? Please?
Tourist mom: Are you fucking insane? Do you want them to be black in this filthy place? I just paid a hundred and fifty bucks for those. Take your feet out of them and don’t stick them back in until we get back to Michigan.
–David Z, 5th Ave
Overheard by: nicole h.
Rich girl #1: So, let me get this straight — they weren’t even nice to you until after your brother died?!
Rich girl #2: It’s like they didn’t even know I was alive. My whole life was always, ‘Christopher this and that… Why can’t you be more like Christopher?’ Ugh, shut up!
Rich girl #1: That’s fucked up. Your parents are supposed to love everybody the same and now they’re trying to buy your love because they feel guilty. Seriously! They bought you a Cayenne and you didn’t even ask for it!
Rich girl #2: I guess it’s fucked up, but so what? My love happens to be for sale.
–Barneys
Overheard by: Sally
