Suits

British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.

–1 train

Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!

–Bronx Science engineering class

Overheard by: LSB

Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?

–41st & Broadway

Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.

–1 train

Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.

–Mulberry St

Overheard by: Ashley

Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: still recovering

Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Oh My God

Asian girl, after falling down: Ouch! My knee!
Suit: That is the hottest thing I’ve seen all week.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Lena L.

Suit: Do you have any headache medication?
Production assistant pulling random stuff out of pockets: Yeah, sure. Do you have a headache?
Suit: No, but I might later… Oooh! Band-Aids!

–Universal Studios kitchen

Overheard by: Gunther

30-ish investment banker on cell: She had so much makeup on her face she looked like she had just blown 20 clowns.

–44th & Park

Tuxedo: Oh, you should have called us! We could have gotten you into Spago. We go there all the time! The guy there is, like, our best friend! Honey, what’s the name of that guy at Spago?
Trophy wife: We’ve never been to Spago. You went there with Jennifer.

–Greenwich & N Moore

Overheard by: annulla

Suit #1: So, how long did your five-minute meeting last?
Suit #2: A fucking hour.

–John St, between Cliff & Pearl

Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!

–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th

Korean girl: I just can’t stand it when they have an Asian fetish. Grosses me out.
Suit: Well, maybe you should stop being a stripper.

–46th & 10th

Overheard by: Chris

Lady suit #1: You still on drugs?
Lady suit #2: I’m trying…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Shai Googly

Lady suit: No way! I am not wearing that!
Queer friend: Darling, you will look fabulous in this dress! Just try it on.
Lady suit: Oh my god, I have never worn something like that before!
Queer friend: Honey, just trust me! Think of me as your Karl Rove, but not as old, and way better looking.

–6th Ave