Tuxedo: Oh, you should have called us! We could have gotten you into Spago. We go there all the time! The guy there is, like, our best friend! Honey, what’s the name of that guy at Spago?
Trophy wife: We’ve never been to Spago. You went there with Jennifer.
–Greenwich & N Moore
Overheard by: annulla
Suit #1: So, how long did your five-minute meeting last?
Suit #2: A fucking hour.
–John St, between Cliff & Pearl
Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!
–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th
Korean girl: I just can’t stand it when they have an Asian fetish. Grosses me out.
Suit: Well, maybe you should stop being a stripper.
–46th & 10th
Overheard by: Chris
Lady suit #1: You still on drugs?
Lady suit #2: I’m trying…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Shai Googly
Lady suit: No way! I am not wearing that!
Queer friend: Darling, you will look fabulous in this dress! Just try it on.
Lady suit: Oh my god, I have never worn something like that before!
Queer friend: Honey, just trust me! Think of me as your Karl Rove, but not as old, and way better looking.
–6th Ave
Suit #1: Life preservers are for pussies.
Suit #2: Yeah, I can make a flotation device out of my jeans.
Suit #1: Oh, yeah? Were you in the Navy?
Suit #2: No, I just took a water safety class. But that’s why the guys in the Navy wear bell-bottoms — so they can take their pants off without taking off their boots, so their feet won’t freeze.
Suit #3: Can you use any jeans for this?
Suit #2: Fire-resistant ones are best.
–Elevator, 61 Broadway
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Suit #1: Man, I’m so old. I have two white hairs now.
Suit #2: Aw, man.
Suit #1: I know. I mean, before I had only one white hair, but two — that totally changes everything.
–Golden Theater
Overheard by: Miranda
Customs agent: What business you in?
Young suit with acne: Um, I’m a stock broker.
Customs agent: Are you old enough to do that?
Young suit with acne: Barely.
Customs agent: Doubtful. Look at you. All that stuff on your face — take care of that shit and get it cleaned up. Get yourself a woman.
Young suit with acne, biting lip: Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.
–LaGuardia airport
Suit #1: What hour do you get into the office?
Suit #2: I arrive around seven and leave at six-thirty.
Suit #1: So, you work twelve-hour days? Do you ever sit at your desk and just fondle your balls?
–Italian restaurant, UES
