Commuter #1: Hey! I'm standing here!
Commuter #2: I just need to get around you, sorry.
Commuter #1: I'm not moving from my spot!
Commuter #2: Lady, it's not like you rent the space.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Izzy
Commuter #1: Hey! I'm standing here!
Commuter #2: I just need to get around you, sorry.
Commuter #1: I'm not moving from my spot!
Commuter #2: Lady, it's not like you rent the space.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Izzy
Male conductor: Due to the lateness of this train, the next stop will be Bay Parkway.
(pause)
Female conductor: The next stop will be 62nd Street.
Male conductor: This train will now run express. The next stop is Bay Parkway.
Female conductor: Con-duct-tor! The next…
Male conductor: Okay, okay. The next stop is 62nd Street.
–D Train
Overheard by: I hate the D train
Cop #1: Remember that shit?
Cop #2: That was some crazy shit.
Cop #3: What shit?
Cop #2: The Spiderman shit.
Cop #3: Oh, that shit.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Caroline
Flashy creepster to blonde: Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she does) You should be careful. It's a big city.
New-in-town blonde girl: After what I just went through I'm just going to have five boyfriends.
Flashy creepster: I'm telling you. You should be careful. It's a big city. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I was having a good time, and then I fell and love and got burned.
Flashy creepster (menacing): I'm telling you. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I'm just who I am. If you can't handle me…
Flashy creepster: Oh, I can handle you. I can handle you very well.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jbrizzle
Corporate girl: Dude, he's got a monkey.
Corporate guy: A monkey?
Corporate girl: Yeah.
Corporate guy: Like a real monkey? Or a monkey monkey?
Corporate girl: Like a real monkey.
Corporate guy: Does it bite his kids?
–52nd St & Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: what's a monkey-monkey?
Young wanna-be-badass teen: I hate yuppies!
Man: I hate 14-year-olds!
Young wanna-be-badass teen: Me too!
Man: So, what, you're 13?
Young wanna-be-badass teen: Yeah.
Man: I was close.
–F Frain
Overheard by: ames
Guy #1, shouting to friend: Yo! Where have you been? We need to start!
Guy #2: No, man, I gotta go.
Guy #1: You're so gay.
Guy #2: I know. But that doesn't change anything. I have to get home.
Guy #1: Get back here! Now that you've admitted you're gay, you have to stay here so that we can all help you cope.
Guy #2: Sometimes I don't get you, dude.
–Stuyvesant High
Drive-thru customer: Can I have a medium fries and a medium Coke?
Counter girl: We don’t got a medium Coke.
Customer: Okay… Um… Can I have a large Coke?
Counter girl: We don’t got no large Coke either!
Customer: Ummm…
Counter girl: We got no small, medium or large Coke, and no small, medium or large Sprite!
Customer: Oh… You’re out of Coke. Okay… No drink, then.
Counter girl: I tol’ you, we out of Coke! What do you want to drink?
Customer: Ummm… Nothing?
Counter girl: We got nothing. Your total is $2.35. Drive around.
–Wendy’s, Rockaway
Overheard by: christine
Handsome suit: He can totally clean my gutters anytime. He’s got the whole package.
–Exiting Sheraton hotel, 7th Ave
Suit on cell: It’s when someone urinates on you…
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: Golden Slumbers
Suit: No one ever wants any of my gum. It’s not poisoned! I might put something in your drink at a bar, though.
–A train
Overheard by: emilyc
Suit to another: That’s because all you eat is fully-cooked, non-contaminated food. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it…
–24th & 6th
Overheard by: Angi
Suit holding sexual harassment pamphlet, to HR department: I have conquered sexual harassment!
–102nd St
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Girl #1: Okay, let’s go around the table and tell horrible hook-up stories.
Girl #2: Can anything top the time I woke up stark-naked in London after a night partying in New York?
Girl #3: No one can top that. Unless you consider the time I stole a guy’s car in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame.
Girl #4: Don’t forget the part where you wrecked it and went to jail…
–Spice Market, 13th & 9th
Overheard by: Jess
