Frumpy middle-aged woman #1: I don’t know… I guess some people just want to have a sugar daddy. I’ve thought about getting one.
Frumpy middle-aged woman #2: I guess they just like having kids say, ‘Wow, your mom is hot.’
Frumpy middle-aged woman #1: Meanwhile, the other moms are saying, ‘What a skank-bag!’
–M27 bus
Man: There are always two sides to every conversation.
Woman: Yes, but there’s always a right side and a wrong side.
–34th & 5th
Frat boy: Okay, guys, to recap: We’re not going to tell my parents about getting arrested, the Xanax, my nipples…
Other guys, in unison: Got it.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: klulita
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power.
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power for quite some time now.
Dude #2: What are you, a supervillain? Who’s been underestimating your power? The justice league?
Dude #1: No, the electric company. They say I owe them eight hundred dollars.
Dude #2: Dude, you and I were having two totally different conversations.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: 13Atlantic
Girl #1: Yeah, she said, ‘I won’t settle for anything less than a Range Rover with Connecticut license plates.’
Girl #2: Oh my god, that is so amazing! I have to put that on my ‘Favorite quotes’ section in Facebook.
–Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Kid in stroller, to dad trying on sport coat: You look like a principal!
–Zara, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Seven-year-old girl to doorman: I have diarrhea!
–Cornelia St
Two-year-old girl to woman with Froot Loops: You really shouldn’t buy that cereal. It’s bad for you.
–Duane Reade, UWS
Seven-year-old on cell: Emily, I’ve been trying to call you, like, three times! Are you still mad at me about… [looks around crowded bus and lowers his voice] … you know…?
–Shuttle bus, Flushing
Little girl to mom: It’s not that I want a pretzel — I need a pretzel.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Meagan
Little boy shaking his hips: Tryin’ make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no! [Later, to woman behind register] Do you have Rugrats Gone Wild?
–Blockbuster, 10th & Wanamaker Pl
Overheard by: Lily and Rebecca
Drunk black Brit musician: What the fuck? This is crazy! I can’t believe I ran into you. Manhattan is fuckin’ huge!
Girl: Yes…
Drunk black Brit musician: This city has what, thousands of people? There must be thousands, yeah… Maybe even millions — it’s almost like London… See my guitar case? I don’t have a guitar. The case has a ham in it. Millions of fucking people!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Carmel
Customer: How you doin’?
Postal worker: I’m working harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Customer: Sounds pretty bad.
Postal worker: Well, it’s better than my mother. She used to say she was working harder than a one-legged whore working both sides of the street.
–Grand Central Post Office, 45th & Lex
Young English teacher: Yeah, so it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from my apartment to the subway, and on the way there’s this homeless guy on the corner who is always getting really angry at some invisible person. Then he disappeared for, like, two weeks, and I’m like, ‘Oh, he must’ve died — that’s so sad,’ but then he came back and I was like, ‘Okay, cool.’
Student: What does this have to do with The Odyssey?
Young English teacher: You guys really need to focus.
–Stuyvesant High
Kid: What’s that?! What’s that?!
Mom, reading magazine: It’s a picture of an airport.
Kid: What happened?!
Mom: Someone was arrested.
Kid: For what?!
Mom: For yelling.
Kid, seriously: At her kids?
–F train
