Talking/Convos

Suitable Wednesday One-Liners

Handsome suit: He can totally clean my gutters anytime. He’s got the whole package.

–Exiting Sheraton hotel, 7th Ave

Suit on cell: It’s when someone urinates on you…

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: Golden Slumbers

Suit: No one ever wants any of my gum. It’s not poisoned! I might put something in your drink at a bar, though.

–A train

Overheard by: emilyc

Suit to another: That’s because all you eat is fully-cooked, non-contaminated food. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it…

–24th & 6th

Overheard by: Angi

Suit holding sexual harassment pamphlet, to HR department: I have conquered sexual harassment!

–102nd St

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

They’ll Have Their Own Reality Series within a Week

Girl #1: Okay, let’s go around the table and tell horrible hook-up stories.
Girl #2: Can anything top the time I woke up stark-naked in London after a night partying in New York?
Girl #3: No one can top that. Unless you consider the time I stole a guy’s car in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame.
Girl #4: Don’t forget the part where you wrecked it and went to jail…

–Spice Market, 13th & 9th

Overheard by: Jess

From MILF to Skankbag: My New York Journey

Frumpy middle-aged woman #1: I don’t know… I guess some people just want to have a sugar daddy. I’ve thought about getting one.
Frumpy middle-aged woman #2: I guess they just like having kids say, ‘Wow, your mom is hot.’
Frumpy middle-aged woman #1: Meanwhile, the other moms are saying, ‘What a skank-bag!’

–M27 bus

Which Is Why I Had This “I’m Wrong” Shirt Made Up for You

Man: There are always two sides to every conversation.
Woman: Yes, but there’s always a right side and a wrong side.

–34th & 5th

… The Komodo Dragon, the Jello Stains, the Manslaughter Conviction…

Frat boy: Okay, guys, to recap: We’re not going to tell my parents about getting arrested, the Xanax, my nipples…
Other guys, in unison: Got it.

–Canal & Lafayette

Overheard by: klulita

The United Nations, Encapsulated

Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power.
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power for quite some time now.
Dude #2: What are you, a supervillain? Who’s been underestimating your power? The justice league?
Dude #1: No, the electric company. They say I owe them eight hundred dollars.
Dude #2: Dude, you and I were having two totally different conversations.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: 13Atlantic

We’ll Help

Girl #1: Yeah, she said, ‘I won’t settle for anything less than a Range Rover with Connecticut license plates.’
Girl #2: Oh my god, that is so amazing! I have to put that on my ‘Favorite quotes’ section in Facebook.

–Starbucks, 14th & 6th

Wednesdays Should Be Seen and Not One-Linered

Kid in stroller, to dad trying on sport coat: You look like a principal!

–Zara, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Seven-year-old girl to doorman: I have diarrhea!

–Cornelia St

Two-year-old girl to woman with Froot Loops: You really shouldn’t buy that cereal. It’s bad for you.

–Duane Reade, UWS

Seven-year-old on cell: Emily, I’ve been trying to call you, like, three times! Are you still mad at me about… [looks around crowded bus and lowers his voice] … you know…?

–Shuttle bus, Flushing

Little girl to mom: It’s not that I want a pretzel — I need a pretzel.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Meagan

Little boy shaking his hips: Tryin’ make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no! [Later, to woman behind register] Do you have Rugrats Gone Wild?

–Blockbuster, 10th & Wanamaker Pl

Overheard by: Lily and Rebecca

Yet None Who’ll Sell Me Ritalin.

Drunk black Brit musician: What the fuck? This is crazy! I can’t believe I ran into you. Manhattan is fuckin’ huge!
Girl: Yes…
Drunk black Brit musician: This city has what, thousands of people? There must be thousands, yeah… Maybe even millions — it’s almost like London… See my guitar case? I don’t have a guitar. The case has a ham in it. Millions of fucking people!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Carmel

Mom Had Quite a Mouth on Her

Customer: How you doin’?
Postal worker: I’m working harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Customer: Sounds pretty bad.
Postal worker: Well, it’s better than my mother. She used to say she was working harder than a one-legged whore working both sides of the street.

–Grand Central Post Office, 45th & Lex

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