Older woman: What’s the time, dear?
Teen girl: Two o’clock.
Old woman: Are you sure? It looks dark outside.
Teen girl, annoyed: Yes, I’m sure.
Man, overhearing: Actually, I think it’s seven P.M.
Teen girl: Oh, right. I forgot we set the clocks back this weekend.
–86th & Lex
Overheard by: Arun
Blonde teen: She stole all my fucking condoms!
Brunette teen: Wait, are we still talking about your mom? [Blonde nods.] Well, tell her she needs to buy you a new pack.
Blonde teen: I did! She denies that she stole them! She’s such a liar — I saw a couple in the toilet this morning.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: just glad my mom flushes them
Teen girl: I was worried it had rabies or something. But seriously, how cool would it be if I got to go back to Tennessee and say I’d been mauled by a squirrel while I was in New York?
Mom: Well, we’ve got health insurance now, so you go ahead and give it another shot. I’ll get it on video.
–Isham & Cooper
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Teen girl #1: She was like a fucking sausage.
Teen girl #2: Yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah.
Teen girl #2: What a bitch.
–Duane Reade, Bronx
Teen #1: Once, on the subway, I saw this guy and he was jerking off. Can you believe it?! Jerking off!
Teen #2: Jerking off on the subway?! That’s got to be unhealthy!
–M96 bus
Girl: You went out with a girl named ‘Flower’?!
Boy: You have very big boobs.
–Brooklyn Public Library, Coney Island
Overheard by: breaking the library rules
Teen girl to friend: Do I look like an animal?
Friend: You look like a stripper.
Teen girl: That’s not an animal, per se.
–Broadway
Overheard by: i think she is a stripper
Teen homie #1: Nah, dude, I’m a man.
Teen homie #2: I’m older than you — how you a man?
Teen homie #1: ‘Cause I ain’t no virgin like you.
–86th St station
Blinged-out teen #1: You know, I heard for every ten pounds you lose, you gain an inch on your dick.
Blinged-out teen #2: Damn! Imagine if Ricky lost weight!
–1 train
Drunk teen: Kill me, please.
Sober teen: No, you have the SATs next month.
–Stuyvesant High
