15-year-old drunk girl: I wanna fuck someone. Let’s find a Mexican for me.
15-year-old drunk guy: Dude, you’re gonna get me killed!
15-year-old drunk girl: I can’t see straight. Where are we?
15-year-old drunk guy: I don’t know.
–G train
Overheard by: Andrew
Teen boy: Mom, are you sure that woman isn’t the same as the one in Phantom of the Opera?
Mom: I’m sure. It’s a different actress.
Teen boy: Because it’s that same loud-ass style of singing.
Mom: Broadway singing.
Teen boy: Yeah. Really loud-ass singing. I wonder where the school is for that.
—Tarzan intermission, Richard Rogers Theatre
Overheard by: I wondered that myself
HS girl #1: What’s that Friday right before Easter? I think it’s Passover, right?
HS girl #2: Yo, you know Easter was created by the Easter Orthodox Church?
–M train, Williamsburg Bridge
Overheard by: Tito
Black teen girl to friends refusing to get on train: Why you gotta be so stupid? Get on the damn train!
Black teen guy: They gonna just stand there like that? Let the train go!
Black teen girl: Bitch said she thought that guy’s gonna blow up the train [points to gloomy white kid in RadioHead shirt].
Black teen guy: What?! Why you gotta say that when we goin’ over the bridge?!
–Brooklyn-bound J train
Overheard by: cp
Teen #1: Fuck, man. Fuck.. Fuck!
Old black lady: Respect yourself — you better respect yourself.
Teen #2: [Mumbles.]Old black lady: What did you say?! Oh, I thought so. This is why they created more prisons — just for you.
–Q train
Teen girl #1: I think Johnny Depp is so super hot! With all his dirty, disgusting hair in Pirates… Mmmm, so hot.
Teen girl #2: I don’t get it. I seem to be the only person who doesn’t find him cute.
Teen girl #1, very serious: I’ve never met anybody quite like you.
–R train
Overheard by: Jen
Queer teen #1: Yo, when I went to Yellowstone, I took this pic of a buffalo from behind, so you can see the balls hangin’ down and everything! It’s awesome!
Queer teen #2: What? That’s the single worst thing I ever heard! You sick, man. Damn.
Queer teen #1: What the fuck are you talkin’ ’bout? It’s the best pic ever! I made it my desktop! Buffalo balls are cool!
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Teen girl #1: No! I can’t go, because your mom’s a motherfucking whore!
Teen girl #2: Okay, I love you! Bye!
–104th & Broadway
Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]
–F train
Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.
–Diner, Chelsea
Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.
–19th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…
–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St
Overheard by: Literate
Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!
–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk
Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…
–Chinatown
Suit to teen couple: You kids like drugs?
Girl: Um… Is that a trick question?
–Union Square
Headline by: MrCandey
Runners-Up:
· “Because I Only Trick for Cocaine” – ToddS
· “Like “Find America on a Map?” – Krisztina
· “Listen, Are You Getting In This Van Or What?” – gib
· “No, but Speak Closer to My Tie…” – Danny the Mullins
· “Worst Narc Ever” – samson
