Teens

Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]

–F train

Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.

–Diner, Chelsea

Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…

–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St

Overheard by: Literate

Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!

–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk

Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…

–Chinatown

Suit to teen couple: You kids like drugs?
Girl: Um… Is that a trick question?

–Union Square

Headline by: MrCandey

Runners-Up:
· “Because I Only Trick for Cocaine” – ToddS
· “Like “Find America on a Map?” – Krisztina
· “Listen, Are You Getting In This Van Or What?” – gib
· “No, but Speak Closer to My Tie…” – Danny the Mullins
· “Worst Narc Ever” – samson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Older woman: What’s the time, dear?
Teen girl: Two o’clock.
Old woman: Are you sure? It looks dark outside.
Teen girl, annoyed: Yes, I’m sure.
Man, overhearing: Actually, I think it’s seven P.M.
Teen girl: Oh, right. I forgot we set the clocks back this weekend.

–86th & Lex

Overheard by: Arun

Blonde teen: She stole all my fucking condoms!
Brunette teen: Wait, are we still talking about your mom? [Blonde nods.] Well, tell her she needs to buy you a new pack.
Blonde teen: I did! She denies that she stole them! She’s such a liar — I saw a couple in the toilet this morning.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: just glad my mom flushes them

Teen girl: I was worried it had rabies or something. But seriously, how cool would it be if I got to go back to Tennessee and say I’d been mauled by a squirrel while I was in New York?
Mom: Well, we’ve got health insurance now, so you go ahead and give it another shot. I’ll get it on video.

–Isham & Cooper

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Teen girl #1: She was like a fucking sausage.
Teen girl #2: Yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah.
Teen girl #2: What a bitch.

–Duane Reade, Bronx

Teen #1: Once, on the subway, I saw this guy and he was jerking off. Can you believe it?! Jerking off!
Teen #2: Jerking off on the subway?! That’s got to be unhealthy!

–M96 bus

Girl: You went out with a girl named ‘Flower’?!
Boy: You have very big boobs.

–Brooklyn Public Library, Coney Island

Overheard by: breaking the library rules

Teen girl to friend: Do I look like an animal?
Friend: You look like a stripper.
Teen girl: That’s not an animal, per se.

–Broadway

Overheard by: i think she is a stripper

Teen homie #1: Nah, dude, I’m a man.
Teen homie #2: I’m older than you — how you a man?
Teen homie #1: ‘Cause I ain’t no virgin like you.

–86th St station