Chick #1: Before I forget, I need to ask you a question. If I had a penis and a vagina, would you still be my friend?
Chick #2: First of all, I would give you my Coach fanny pack so it would cover your ball sack, and then I probably wouldn’t ever talk to you again.
–31st & 7th
Overheard by: Amy Beckerman
Counter girl #1 : That’s that shit you gotta get — a douche.
Counter girl #2 : Nah, I don’t fuck around with that shit.
Counter girl #1 : No, but that’s what gets you tight again!
Counter girl #2 : Oh, then I definitely need to get me some of that!
–Duane Reade, 88th & Broadway
Overheard by: Evan
Hipster: I’m telling you, Bill O’Reilly is a blubbering vagina.
Tourist: No, don’t say that!
Hipster: But you know he is!
Tourist: Stop!
–Union St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Alex
Misguided dad: Honey, what’s wrong?
Little girl frantically grabbing at crotch: I… I… I have a bubble and I’m trying to pop it — right here!
Misguided dad, laughing hysterically: Sweetie, that’s just a queef.
–14th & 6th
Drunk girl: The other thing you should know about me is I have a raw fucking pussy.
Drunk guy, holding her hand: Yeah? Good.
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bex
Homely hipster girl: So, we went to that panties party on Saturday night…
Cute hipster girl: And?!
Homely hipster girl: I went home with Adam.
Cute hipster girl: Oooh, how was it?
Homely hipster girl: Ummm, it was okay, except he’s like, not circumcised. He’s European or Jewish or something. So, like, I didn’t know what to do.
Cute hipster girl: Weird. That’s like when women have pubes. It’s, like, gross. Who has pubes on their vag anymore?
Homely hipster girl: Girl pubes are really ’80s. But not, like, in a cute way.
–Dressing room, Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Girl #1: It got on my vagina! Now, that’s fucking nasty! I have to go home now and wash off my vagina!
Girl #2: Well, of course if you go in there at the same time and try to pee it’s going to get on your vagina. Calm down.
Girl #1: I can’t calm down! I can’t believe it’s all over my fucking vagina!
–Bathroom, LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Actor #1: It wasn’t like sex vagina, it was more like–
Actor #2: –There’s more than one kind?
–Epiphany
Very gay man: I have to go buy some Crisco — I have a date tonight.
Straight guy: I don’t understand how you can not be interested in a nice set of tits and a wet vagina.
Very gay man: I don’t understand how you can not be interested in a big throbbing cock!
Straight guy: Because I already have one.
Very gay man: Let me see!
Straight guy: No!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Dude #1: So, you know The Vagina Monologues are coming, right?
Dude #2: Yeah, are you going to get them in your studio?
Dude #1: Yeah, I’m hoping to get some recordings.
Dude #2: So, they really talk out their vaginas?
Dude #1: No, it’s like a play or something.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought they, like, spread their legs and… I mean, I thought it was hardcore.
Dude #1: No.
Dude #2: They should do that, though.
Dude #1: Yeah.
–Gym
