Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, ‘Oooh, that smells like ass!’ and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure — your ass must smell like pussy.

Cleo’s, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: EEE

Chick to friend: Man, you’ve gotta get laid. I need to live vicariously through someone’s vagina.

Village Inn
Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: Tabs

We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies’ room]Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It’s urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh…[Suppresses laugh.]

Western Australia

Girl to friend: I can’t believe I fell asleep next to your vagina. I woke up and my face was next to your brick wall. [Kisses friend.] I love your brick wall.

Caribou Coffee
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Bardley

College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?

Melbourne University

Girl to friend: I gave my ostrich a fur coat.

Rich Catholic Girls School
St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Sarah

Student #1: Jess, come here. I need your help.
Student #2: I am not touching your cooter again.

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when “turning out the lights” means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!

George Mason University

Overheard by: Your sister won

Not-very-smooth guy to attractive woman at bar: I just want to see it! I promise I won't touch your vagina.

Tallahassee, Florida

Girl: She has vagina legs.
Guy friend: How does she have vagina legs?

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas