AM New York guy: Man, it’s like I was tryin’ to say–
Metro New York guy: Nah, tell Shorty he needs to eat that pussy.

–Hanson Place & Atlantic Avenue, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Frank Smith

African American emo guy to friends: I don't know if this is derogatory or not, but I was thinking of inventing pussy in a can. For those droughts, ya know?

–Lafayette St & W 4th

Girl to no one in particular: I want to have sexual intercourse with you.
Friend: Sexual intercourse sounds like they want to put their balls inside your vagina too.

–172 St & Jerome

Overheard by: Emm

Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Stadium

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: jax

Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?

–Willoughby & Vanderbilt

Grimey punk guy: I don't get what your problem is.
Grimey punk girl: Well, the reason my pussy smells like fish is probably because you gave me a yeast infection.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Tommy

20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!


Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: totheworld

Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Burning Vegan

Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Overheard by: obyun

Student #1: She’s from the Dominican Republic, right?
Student #2: Um, yeah, I think so.
Student #1: Is she classy…?
Student #2: Eh, not really, no. At the meeting the other day, she was wearing a skirt. I could see her cooch.
Student #3: [Just joining the conversation] What’s a cooch?
[Silence.]Student #1: Her vagina.
Student #2: Her forest. Except it was barren. There were no trees. Barren.

–Columbia University

Drunk girl on corner, to friend coming out of McDonald's: Did you go pee?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Yep.
Drunk girl on corner: Vagina happy?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Vagina happy!

–Fulton St. & Gold St.

Overheard by: the fundamental question

Hispanic man #1, on bus: Yo, my hand smells like pussy.
Hispanic man #2: Yeah, now she gonna go home and kiss the other guy, and then he gonna, and you were just there.
(hysterical drunken laughter)
Hispanic man #3: I haven't gotten pussy in a while, though. Since last summer.
Hispanic man #1: Yeah, you know I just love getting my dick sucked.

–Q58 Bus

6th grader boy: So, my whole life I've heard pussy is great…
6th grader girl: And?
6th grader boy: Well, I tried it… and it ain't that great.
6th grader girl: Why?
6th grader boy: It tasted weird. (pause) Next time I'll buy it from somewhere else.

–116th St & 2nd Ave