Rude famous guy: Do you know who I am?!
Waitress: No… But I know your type…
–Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: Martin
Rude famous guy: Do you know who I am?!
Waitress: No… But I know your type…
–Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: Martin
Woman: How’s the paella?
Waitress: It’s good. It comes with clams and the whole nine yards.
–Panchito’s, Macdougal St.
Hostess #1: So the day after he dumped me, he bought me a copy of The Latin Sexual Vocabulary.
Hostess #2: And this is why classicists should never be allowed to meet one another.
Hostess #1: Yeah, now I know ten ways to say “fuck you, asshole” in Latin.
–Boat Basin Cafe, W. 79th Street
Patron: What kind of vegetables do you have?
Surly Russian waitress: Boiled.
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: cg
Waitress: Would you like soup or salad with that?
Loud queer: I’ll have the salad, if it’s clean.
Waitress: [Silence.]Loud queer: Who’s making the salad?
Waitress: Jonathan.
Loud queer: Oh, if Jonathan’s making it, then it’s clean. I’ll have the salad.
–Mudd, 9th Ave, between 1st & 2nd St
Waitress: Hello. How can I help you?
Kid: I wanna buy some sushi.
Waitress: You want to buy some sushi? What kind of sushi would you like?
Kid: I don’t know.
–Wasabi Sushi, Bensonhurst
Waitress: Is that book you’re reading fiction or theory?
–Cosi
Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Grandma: Yes.
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son’s mother-in-law.
Waitress: Mother-in-law?
Grandma: She’s a big woman.
–Chinese Restaurant, UWS
Waitress: How do you want your burgers cooked?
Foreigner: Cooked?
Waitress: Meat is cooked. What color do you want the meat inside to be? Pink, red, brown?
Foreigner: What?!
–Jackson Hole, 36th Street
Server: Oh no, not you again! Whatchoo want?
Customer: ‘talian col’ cut.
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: I said ‘talian col’ cut!
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: Damn baby, I want you on it!
Server: Shit, you wouldn’t even know what to do with me!
Customer: Damn baby, I eat that shit!
–Bed-Stuy deli
