Tourist guy: Where are you from?
Female waitress: Sri Lanka.
Tourist guy: Oh, I've always wanted to go to India.
Female waitress: Did you really just say that?

–Times Square Bakery

Overheard by: trey

Waitress with thick accent: Jennifer Lopez, she pregnant again?
Hostess with equally thick accent: Yes, think so.
Waitress: She never tell anyone!
Hostess: I know, she keeps secret.
Waitress: She go on the talk show. They ask her all the questions. “Are you going to have a baby?” All she do is laugh. She just laugh! She never says anything! She never answers!

–Lindy's Resteraunt

Overheard by: Chloefron

Bartender: This is so weird, but you just can’t tell anyone. I don’t know what to do about Fred*. I had a few people over on Friday, and when everyone left my pants were missing. So I had everyone over again on Sunday, and I left the drawer with my pants closed. He goes to the bathroom and comes back with a huge bulge in his trousers, and my drawer is open and I am missing a pair of pants.
Waitress: So what are you gonna do?
Bartender: From now on I only buy skirts.

–Nation, 45th & 5th

Overheard by: Barely swallowed my drink

Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you!

–Plane, LaGuardia

Tourist in Vancouver: “I haven’t been able to find a post-office in Vancouver. Where are they?”

Waitress: “Oh, the Canadian government sold off all the post-offices, now they just have kiosks in any pharmacy, so just go to the drug store down the street.”

Rude famous guy: Do you know who I am?!
Waitress: No… But I know your type…

–Blue Water Grill, Union Square

Overheard by: Martin

Woman: How’s the paella?
Waitress: It’s good. It comes with clams and the whole nine yards.

–Panchito’s, Macdougal St.

Hostess #1: So the day after he dumped me, he bought me a copy of The Latin Sexual Vocabulary.
Hostess #2: And this is why classicists should never be allowed to meet one another.
Hostess #1: Yeah, now I know ten ways to say “fuck you, asshole” in Latin.

–Boat Basin Cafe, W. 79th Street

Patron: What kind of vegetables do you have?
Surly Russian waitress: Boiled.

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: cg

Waitress: Would you like soup or salad with that?
Loud queer: I’ll have the salad, if it’s clean.
Waitress: [Silence.]Loud queer: Who’s making the salad?
Waitress: Jonathan.
Loud queer: Oh, if Jonathan’s making it, then it’s clean. I’ll have the salad.

–Mudd, 9th Ave, between 1st & 2nd St