Young man: What I’d do is throw a costumed dinner party and have someone killed at the table.
Young girl: Uh-huh.
–Maiden & William St, Financial District
Young man: What I’d do is throw a costumed dinner party and have someone killed at the table.
Young girl: Uh-huh.
–Maiden & William St, Financial District
Guy #1: You can’t allow her to keep doing that to you, man.
Guy #2: Yeah, you’re right… Sometimes I wish I was gay.
Guy #1, after both guys laugh: …Uh… You were kidding, right?
–Men’s locker room, New York Sports Club, Tribeca
Overheard by: Matt
Secretary: Mr. Barnes* is out today… He is very sick.
Colleague: Oh, no! What’s wrong?
Secretary: He has food poisoning. You know — that semolina…
Colleague: You mean ‘salmonella’?
Secretary: Yeah, that’s what I just said — semolina.
–Financial District
Chinese lady hawker: DVD! DVD! DVD!
Southerner lady: Do y’all have The Sound of Music?
Chinese lady hawker: New DVD only! Charlotte Web! New James Bond!
Southerner lady: They just get everything first in New York, don’t they? So… Y’all don’t have The Sound of Music?
–Canal St
Overheard by: Miss Megan
Customer: Hi, I’d like a ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: We’re out of roast beef.
Customer: A ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: I told you, there’s no roast beef.
Customer, slower: A sandwich with ham and cheese?
Deli worker: But there’s no roast beef.
–Broadway & Exchange
Thug #1: We don’t even go to the movies or nothin’. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin’.
Thug #2: That’s where it’s at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li’l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin’ serious. That li’l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
–Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· “…And “To Catch A Predator”” – Stuck in the MidWest
· “He Comes Over for Some Pipin’ Too.” – Courtney
· “I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth.” – Snark Sloper
· “That Li’l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li’l Nigga Gots None.” – johnnyb
· “The Nucular Family” – Bill
· “The Waltons, 2007” – G’night, John Boy
Chick #1: Did you know that Jim* and Sarah* slept together?
Chick #2: Ewww!
Chick #1: Yeah, and I was in the bed at the time.
–South St Seaport
Park bench guy #1: If you could control it, what’s your ideal death?
Park bench guy #2: Something public, definitely. I’d rig a guillotine or something and when the chopper falls my head’ll roll in front of this kid and he’ll just stare at my lifeless eyes.
Park bench guy #1: That’s some sick shit. I’d want something that I wouldn’t dread. Like, I’d just drop dead, you know? Painless would be nice, too. Think carbon monoxide is painless?
Park bench guy #2: I always figured it was like getting choked except, like, all over your body.
Passerby: It’s painless! It has to be!
–Bowling Green
Overheard by: Matt
Tuxedo: Oh, you should have called us! We could have gotten you into Spago. We go there all the time! The guy there is, like, our best friend! Honey, what’s the name of that guy at Spago?
Trophy wife: We’ve never been to Spago. You went there with Jennifer.
–Greenwich & N Moore
Overheard by: annulla
Tourist man: Hey, look at this! They’re selling this stuff out on the street!
Tourist lady with thick accent: They have no doors! The rodents will steal all their bread!
Store owner: This is not a bread store, ma’am!
Tourist lady: They will steal your bread! The rodents will steal your bread!
Store owner: We have no bread here!
–Canal St
