Woman: “Medium.” What’s medium mean?
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
Overheard by: Mel
Woman: “Medium.” What’s medium mean?
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
Overheard by: Mel
Girl: Her baby was premature, and she already has health problems. She only has one liver.
–Puck Fair, Lafayette St
Girl: A human baby takes seven or eight weeks to look adorable. A puppy is cute right away.
–31st Ave & 44th St, Queens
Overheard by: Jake
Guy: Where is that crying baby coming from? It better not be in that trash can.
–18th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, shit, I wouldn’t had his baby if I’d known he was on drugs! Hang on… No, I’m in da bafroom. Da bafroom! Ok, later.
–Bathroom in office building, 51st St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: I’m using the one downstairs from now on…
Guy on cell: I wish the baby could go back into your stomach.
–Columbus Circle train station
Teen thug girl holding the Click DVD: Wait, we’re buying this and not baby food?
–Lincoln Park
Overheard by: WTF
Black guy: Man, niggas got guns. You don’t know what they gonna do.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: couldn’t stop laughing
Hungry guy: Tell him I’m gonna kick his ass! Tell him I’m gonna fuck him up, and tell him to bring food.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Autumn
Mother of the Year: My momma said, “All you gotta do is beat the hell out the biggest one of them, and the rest will fall in line.” And she was right, too.
–23rd & 11th
Woman on cell: She went and married that man who her first husband shot her for goin’ out with.
–Foley Square
Enthusiastic guy: Yeah! Come down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped! Just come on down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped. Yeah! We’ll whip your ass. So just come down to Ditmars. You’ll get your ass whipped.
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Richard Berman
Amateur chiropractor: She told the cops I hit her with a golf club. I didn’t hit that bitch with no golf club. If I hit that bitch with a golf club, her neck would be broken.
–Behind Pathmark, 125th St
Overheard by: wadotron
Happy hobo: Oh man! Oh man! [Hugs friend repeatedly] Now I’m gonna kick your ass!
–G train
Overheard by: greenpoint blank
Prim lady: Even whips and chains can’t keep boy problems from being typical.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
College student to friends: One time I just want to be caught in a sexually compromising situation with nothing but my bubble wand blower.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: LFB
Queer on cell: When you handcuffed me, ohhh yes… No, I don’t think there’s a railing I could use right now. No… I’m not taking them out of my bag! Ugh, fiiine… Be there in five minutes… You’re baaad! [Runs off giggling.]
–Penn Station
Little girl, to mother: Get off the train! I want to get off! Move away! Move away! Bad girl!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Chick on cell: Your hook-up buddies would be the type to stow you in a closet.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Nerdy chick: Cognitive dissonance is not my kink.
–Kinoko Sushi, W 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Yuppie woman: Her mother was recently diagnosed with clinical narcissism. One of the indicators was the time she went to a funeral and got angry that no one noticed her new dress.
–Downtown 6 train
Woman: I have this running joke with my kids. Whenever there’s a spider or a big bug, they’re like, "Kill it! Kill it!", and I’m like "I can’t kill it! It might be your grandmother!" You know, like reincarnation?
–Office tower ladies room, Lex & 44th St
Guy on cell: Who are you to tell me who is of legal age for me? You’re not my mother! How can you tell me who is legal enough for me and who isn’t?
–Union Square
Little Boy: Mommeeee! Ah… I mean, Daddeee!
— 67th Ave & Yellowstone Blvd, Queens
Woman on cell: Mom, a building just got knocked over by a plane and you want to talk about my gambling?
–71st St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: mike
Girl: I have no siblings! I can’t be a fuck up because I have no siblings!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: meghan
Goth girl wannabe: I fantasize about incest, but not with anyone I’m related to.
–East Village
Mom to seven-year-old crossing street: Be careful, dear. You don’t want to get run over or we can’t have sushi.
–78th & Amsterdam
Cute girl halting before crossing into oncoming traffic: Okay, perhaps we should not die today.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Traffic
Father to son running towards intersection: Remember! A foot in the street means a foot in your ass!
–57th & 4th, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Chick zig-zagging across street: I just cannot get down with manholes! Scary, scary manholes. I try to avoid them at all costs.
–83rd & Broadway
Bored cop on megaphone: Please walk on the sidewalk. Stop walking in the middle of the street… Stop walking in the middle of the street. Use the sidewalks… See how you’re on the black pavement? You want to be on concrete. See the cars trying to run you over? That’s ‘vehicular traffic.’ Get out of its way.
–Next to Radio City Music Hall
Boyfriend following jaywalking girlfriend: That’s illegal. [She ignores him.] That’s illegal!
–6th & 4th, Park Slope
Muscle man to another: You have to hug me more!
–18th & 6th
Overheard by: Joe Fenton
Hobo: I won’t hug you if you give me money.
–6 train
Overheard by: Gabrielle
Little tourist girl, arms outstretched: Mommy, I just want to hug New York!
–49th, between 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Scarfish
Lesbo on cell: I just hugged a man. I don’t even know him!
–Christopher St
Overheard by: Jericho n’ drop
Panhandler: If you don’t have money and you’re fairly attractive, give me a hug and we’ll call it even.
–F train
Conductor, leaning out window to couple making out: Get a room!
–Canal St station
Overheard by: simon
Eerily calm guy: You fucked me. You fucked me in Midtown.
–48th & 5th
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Hot dog vendor, about girl moaning on cell: They’re having sex on the corner, people! Don’t look!
–Main St & 38th Ave, Queens
Drunk girl to kissing friends: You know, we can, like, find a place for you to make out.
–Prince St
Sorostitute: I had sex right there.
–64th & 5th
Young boy to another, whispering: I’m gonna knock you off ,and then I’m gonna steal your M&Ms.
–FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: amused tourist
Cabbie: Something wicked just crossed my mind. One dark night I’m going to come here and steal all the stop signs.
–Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Suriya
Angry queer suit as a Honda’s car alarm goes off: What the fuck?! What the fuck?! Nobody would ever try to steal that piece of shit!
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: C. Gray
Thug: Look, these glasses are f’real! I bought them off a nigga who had just stolen them from the jewelry store!
–125th & Broadway
Hipster chick on cell: Why don’t you just stay at a real hotel where you can steal all the soaps and stuff?
–2nd St, between Bowery & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jake
Little boy to little girl while nanny is distracted: I love outdoor shopping, because it’s easier to steal things!
–11th & University
Overheard by: Cooper Cheatham
Drunk girl: I remember the bouncing, I remember the moaning, I just can’t remember the name.
–Cooper 35, Astor Place
Overheard by: dan
Gay man: I went there to get spiritual, and I came back all ‘Boys, boys, boys.’
–5th Ave & 11th St
Chick on cell: This is one of those moments when polyamory would really come in handy, huh?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl talking to herself: I am not a ho — I took the lie detector test, and it told you I was not a ho so stop calling me that.
–1 train
Overheard by: will
Chick: She had, like, 20 brothers and sisters because her dad was Haitian and he just kept sleeping with people…
–Subway bar, 60th & Lex
Chick: This year I am going to try and not make out with both Samatha and her boyfriend.
–W 53rd between 9th and 10th Ave
Overheard by: Still Laughing
