Man in elevator A: Hey, Bob!
Man in elevator B, across the hall: Oh! Hi there! [Doors close.] He should just resign.
–Actors’ Equity building
Overheard by: Cat
Man in elevator A: Hey, Bob!
Man in elevator B, across the hall: Oh! Hi there! [Doors close.] He should just resign.
–Actors’ Equity building
Overheard by: Cat
Chick: Are you chewing gum?
Dude: Yeah…
Chick: Take that out of your mouth. I hear that you get cancer by chewing gum while smoking.
–W 4th St
Chick: This block is kinda difficult to walk.
Dude: I know. Watch out for the syringes, condoms, and shit.
–Lawton St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: Dodging the excrements of various objects
Customs agent: What business you in?
Young suit with acne: Um, I’m a stock broker.
Customs agent: Are you old enough to do that?
Young suit with acne: Barely.
Customs agent: Doubtful. Look at you. All that stuff on your face — take care of that shit and get it cleaned up. Get yourself a woman.
Young suit with acne, biting lip: Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.
–LaGuardia airport
Customer: Can I see the smallest thing of K-Y you have?
Clerk: You should just use butter. It’s better and it’s cheaper.
–Drug store, 8th Ave, Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike M
Guy #1: I don’t know… Which bag should I get?
Girl employee: Well, you should get a laptop cover and a padded bag.
Guy #2: Excuse me, that’s not necessary.
Girl employee: Well, that way it keeps your computer safer.
Guy #2: But it would be like wearing two condoms at the same time.
Girl employee: True.
Guy #1: Thanks. To both of you. I have a lot to think about.
–Apple Store, Soho
Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!
–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th
Meathead #1: Yeah, I definitely think I should go to the interview hung over.
Meathead #2: Why’s that?
Meathead #1: You know, so I’m more charming and likable.
Both meatheads: Definitely!
–6th St & Ave A
Overheard by: my approach is all wrong
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can’t have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
Man: I need a card celebrating the birthday of the Buddha.
Employee: Um, we don’t have anything specifically for that…
Man: Well, you should. You really should.
–Papyrus, Grand Central
