Conductor: Okay, okay…all you white people get off the train here. That’s right, hippies and hipsters. If you under thirty-five and white, you don’t want to stay on this train no mo’. The next stop will be the ghet-to!
–Flatbush-bound 2 express train at Eastern Parkway/Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: chagrined hipster
Rocker doof #1: Dude we’re having this flannel party. We’re totally going to like put on Neil Young and CCR videos and shit.
Rocker doof #2: Dude I saw this movie Hype about like grunge or whatever and everyone was wearing flannel… but it totally wasn’t ironic!
–art opening, Kent & Metropolitan, Williamsburg
A Design Mom with baby bumps into a Design Woman coming out of Brooklyn Designs Show.
Design woman: Is that your daughter?
Design mom: Yes, it is.
Design woman: Oh my gosh! She’s so…so…geometric!
–Dumbo, outside Brooklyn Designs show
Overheard by: Fair Hooker
Customer: I’m not really much of a meateater. What would you recommend?
Waiter: Another restaurant.
–Peter Luger Steakhouse, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Girl on cell: It kinda stops being sexy when you can’t breath.
Little old lady: Oy Gevalt!
–Smith & 9th Street station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Braincurve
Guy #1: Yo son I got head from a blind chick the other day
Guy #2: Wait, so did she know?
–Brooklyn Technical High School
Overheard by: Graham Davis
A little girl is climbing onto an outdoor table, reaching for an ashtray.
Mom: No honey, don’t touch that.
Dad: Yeah, that’s what killed grandma.
–Soda Bar, Brooklyn
Overheard by: this guy
Realtor guy:…and the area is really gentrifying quite nicely…very safe. The people from the projects never come over to this side of the neighborhood, so it’s a great place to raise a family.
Homeless passerby pushing a wheelbarrow full of junk: Could you folks help me out with some money to buy food? Give me money. I haven’t eaten in three days.
Realtor guy: Sorry, I… I work on commission. [To his clients] This happens even in Cobble Hill.
The husband and wife walk towards their car.
Homeless guy: Come on man, I’m hungry!
Realtor guy: Fuck you, you just cost me a commission!
–Dwight & Dikeman, Red Hook
Overheard by: Paul J. Pinizzotto
Parking garage attendant: I ain’t even playin’. This is not a game. I can eat the pussy for three hours. Straight.
–12th St. between 7th & 8th Ave, Park Slope
Guy: If you were playing Risk, and you were Charles Darwin, would you place all of your armies on the Galapagos Islands?
–91st & Columbus
Overheard by: John Bardes
Toddler girl: Penis!
–The Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Ally
Guy talking to two male friends: Shut up! Shut the fuck up! If you don’t want to put your dick in my mouth, that’s OK, but shut up!
–Downtown A train platform, W. 4th St
Overheard by: miss professor
Hipster guy on phone: No, no, no, no that is the sound that they said my penis made when it died.
–Morgan & Grattan, East Williamsburg
