Crazy lady to cashier: Hi, how’s it going?! How are you, officer? [Extends hand] I’m Officer Anderson, from the 103rd [turns and walks out].
Cashier: I hate her…
–Miraaj Cafe, Flushing
Overheard by: just wants a gyro
Crazy lady to cashier: Hi, how’s it going?! How are you, officer? [Extends hand] I’m Officer Anderson, from the 103rd [turns and walks out].
Cashier: I hate her…
–Miraaj Cafe, Flushing
Overheard by: just wants a gyro
Cashier #1: Ugh, I can’t stand Muhammad.
Cashier #2: I don’t mind him. He dumb.
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Cashier #1: … And then she told me she got high on ecstasy by accident last night.
Cashier #2: By accident?
Cashier #1: Yeah. She was at his house and saw a little white thing on the coffee table, and that bitch thought it was a mint.
–Todaro Bros. Grocery, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: A
Frustrated customer: You know, I don’t even know why I come here. Every time I have to wait on line forever — something’s always broken, something’s always wrong… I should just go somewhere else!
Cashier: … Do you have a Club Card?
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Cashier: Oh, is corduroy coming back into fashion?
Girl buying a pair of cord pants: Um, I don’t know.
Cashier: I don’t think it’s ever going to come back.
–TJMaxx, 6th Ave
Overheard by: champ
Girl: I’ll have a dozen bagels.
Bagel guy: I can’t pass up on this opportunity. I have to tell you that you’re really cute.
Girl: [Blushes.]Bagel guy: Do you know what the difference between cute and not cute is?
Girl: … Nooo, what?
Bagel guy: Three bagels. [Hands girl 15 bagels.]
–Jumbo Bagels, 57th & 2nd
Overheard by: paid full price
Headline by: Billy Splatts!
Runners-Up:
· “Beauty’s in the Eye Of the Bagelholder” – JoAnne
· “Don’t Ask How I Made the Holes” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Funny, That Also Used to Be a Weight Watchers Slogan” – 2bagelscute
· “It’s Also the Difference Between Employed and Not Employed” – Caro
· “O! She Doth Teach The Toasters To Burn Bright” – Paul
· “That’s Funny Because That’s Also The Difference Between A Handjob And A Blowjob.” – BG
Customer: I need cigarettes.
Cashier, pleasantly: How would you like to kill yourself?
Customer, expressionless: Newports.
Cashier: Here you go.
–CVS, 25th & 6th
Older woman to cashier: Well, I had one of those, one of those… ummm… X-rays? MRIs?
Hipster in line: Mammogram?
Older woman: That’s it! I don’t have the cancer.
–99 Cent Store, near Devoe
Overheard by: I love MRI pics
Cashier: Do you want a bag?
Elderly Village-type customer: Do I want a bag? What, am I gonna carry it out in my mouth?
–Strand Bookstore, 12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jake Elwell
Old, disgruntled customer: I wish I was young again.
Cashier: Do you believe in reincarnation? You could just kill yourself.
–Deli, Lex Ave, between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Becki
