Clerk: What’s that symbol on your shirt?
Chick: It says ‘Nepal.’
Clerk: What’s Nepal?
Chick: It’s where the Dalai Lama lives.
Clerk: What’s the Dalai Lama? Is that an animal?
Chick: Yeah, it’s like a Yeti.
Clerk: Oh.
–Pelham Pkwy
Overheard by: raginggoatboy
Black guy: Yo, you gotta know Uncle Sam, man. I mean, you pay your taxes, right?
Indian clerk: No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
–Deli, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: hoch
Customs agent: What business you in?
Young suit with acne: Um, I’m a stock broker.
Customs agent: Are you old enough to do that?
Young suit with acne: Barely.
Customs agent: Doubtful. Look at you. All that stuff on your face — take care of that shit and get it cleaned up. Get yourself a woman.
Young suit with acne, biting lip: Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.
–LaGuardia airport
Clerk: Cold out there, huh?
Hobo: No. It’s never cold out there. The only true coldness exists in the heart of man. And who taught man to be so cold? Woman! Ever since he was a baby and was scolded by his mother, man learned to be cold from woman. It was woman who taught man to deceive. It was woman who…
Clerk: Next, please.
–Convenience store, 53rd St station
Overheard by: MattyB
Young ticket clerk: Ma’am, are you expecting a baby?
Young woman in baby doll dress: No! I’m not pregnant at all! [She shakes her head in disgust and stomps into theater.]Young ticket clerk, screaming after her with arms in the air: You still fine as hell, though!
–AMC Loews, 42nd St
Overheard by: Tina
Customer: Can I see the smallest thing of K-Y you have?
Clerk: You should just use butter. It’s better and it’s cheaper.
–Drug store, 8th Ave, Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike M
Guy #1: I don’t know… Which bag should I get?
Girl employee: Well, you should get a laptop cover and a padded bag.
Guy #2: Excuse me, that’s not necessary.
Girl employee: Well, that way it keeps your computer safer.
Guy #2: But it would be like wearing two condoms at the same time.
Girl employee: True.
Guy #1: Thanks. To both of you. I have a lot to think about.
–Apple Store, Soho
Clerk: Sir, you need to fill out a customs form for that.
Man: What? Why? This is in America.
Clerk: Sir, it’s North America, but Oregon is not in the US.
Man: Yes, it is. It’s in the northwest.
Clerk: Really? Are you sure? Oh.
–Post office, 99 Macombs Pl
Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m serious. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pocket. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flipping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our future.
–Convenience store, 122nd & Lex
Overheard by: I just wanted some 40’s…
Salesguy: See, these big-screen TVs are like another woman to a guy. Seriously. So, if you bring this home it’s like bringing home a threesome. You, him, and this other woman TV. You see?
Chick: Uh, I’m gonna have to think about it.
–Circuit City, Upper West Side
