Clothing

Wednesday One-Liners Are Like Gay Church

20-ish guy to pal: I didn’t go to the gym today, and I feel so liberated!

–W 25th & 10th

Overheard by: Gerry Visco

Stylish guy on cell: Well, yeah, I’m completely insane, but I’m in great, great, great shape!

–Christopher & 7th

Overheard by: robadob

Russian thug: Man, I don’t know how I’m going to have enough energy for the gym and sex tonight!

–Subway, near Brighton Beach

Overheard by: lk!

Guido pointing to his wifebeater: These things only last you so long. First time, you know, you wear it to the club, it’s still tight and shit. Second time you wear it around the house. Third time, that’s when you wear it to the gym. Then you throw it out! Wear a new one back to the club!

–NYC gym

Personal trainer lady: I was up in Greenwich training Mary Tyler Moore… Yeah, she’s old, but rockin’ bod.

–Metro-North train, 125th St

Overheard by: DrJones

Smoker guy: We should train for the marathon!

–50th & 6th

I Don’t Think You Know Much about the Straight Male Electorate

Lady suit: No way! I am not wearing that!
Queer friend: Darling, you will look fabulous in this dress! Just try it on.
Lady suit: Oh my god, I have never worn something like that before!
Queer friend: Honey, just trust me! Think of me as your Karl Rove, but not as old, and way better looking.

–6th Ave

Your Best Option Is Just to Get Fat and Buy the Clothes

Teen #1: Sometimes I fantasize about having a baby with him just so I could be attached to him forever. In fact, last night I was looking on the Internet for when your most fertile days are… And mine is today.
Teen #2, laughing: Well, I definitely don’t ever want to get pregnant. Those nasty maternity clothes… Ew.
Teen #1: What?! I like the maternity clothes better than regular clothes!
Teen #2: Nah, fuck maternity!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

I Don’t Know How You Guys Can Walk around with All That Dangly Stuff

Jogging man: Well, let’s just say there’s more than one use for a pocket.
Jogging woman: Ewww! Gross!

–Prospect Park

Survival Skills Are for Pussies

Suit #1: Life preservers are for pussies.
Suit #2: Yeah, I can make a flotation device out of my jeans.
Suit #1: Oh, yeah? Were you in the Navy?
Suit #2: No, I just took a water safety class. But that’s why the guys in the Navy wear bell-bottoms — so they can take their pants off without taking off their boots, so their feet won’t freeze.
Suit #3: Can you use any jeans for this?
Suit #2: Fire-resistant ones are best.

–Elevator, 61 Broadway

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Ah, Yes, the Gluteal Cantilever

Girl: Leggings are not pants! Leggings are not pants! And look at the shorts on that one! I can see her butt connection.
Guy: Her crack?
Girl: No, it’s not her crack. It’s the, you know, part where it connects up underneath. I can see it!

–3rd floor bridge, Hunter College

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

I Am Preparing to Flash the Gathering

Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!

–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th

You’re Definitely a Full Grown Bitch

Girl #1: What do you mean I’m ‘the cutest thing ever’? I’m 21! What am I, a puppy?!
Girl #2: All I meant was you wear colorful clothes and smile a lot!

–Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Abram

Check Her Teeth

College girl #1: If you have holes in your pants and it’s winter, you’re not making a fashion statement, you’re poor.
College girl #2: But she was wearing leggings under them…
College girl #1: No, I don’t care. She’s poor.

–St. John’s University

How Women Started Wearing Weird, Calf-Length Pants

Girl picking up a sweater: This is so cute!
Friend: Ick!
Girl, pointing at a pair of jeans: Oh, I love those! They’d fit me really nicely.
Friend: Um, no.
Girl, pointing at a dress: … Is this cute?
Friend: Meh.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: SUSAN

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