Girl: Don’t you feel bad?
Guy: About what?
Girl: For one, you’re in your girlfriend’s jeans, her jacket, her flats, and her fucking pearls. And second…
Guy: And second what?
Girl: You got fucked by three different guys in the two days she’s been out of town.
Guy: If I suck so much, why the fuck are we friends?
Girl: ‘Cause when she is out of town, I have my own little gay Barbie doll and fashion expert all in one. And it’s your turn to buy the manicures.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Julie
Woman #1: You aren’t wearing stockings?
Woman #2: I would have a serious problem putting on lotion if I was.
Woman #1: Wow, you have a real tight ass. I could have sworn you were wearing stockings when I was patting down your ass this morning.
–LIRR
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Woman #1: I’d look good in this dress.
Woman #2: I’d look good in motherfuckin’ anything.
–West side
Overheard by: Christie
Smug fashionista: My god, that’s a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one.
Confused companion: Oh, did she kill fashion again?
Smug fashionista: Not only did she kill fashion again, but she raped it after killing it! She’s like… like… the necrophiliac of haute couture or something…. Wait. What the fuck am I talking about?!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: Minnie Sukthankar-Romanovich
Girl: Why are you wearing cowboy boots?
Guy walking other way: I just got off work.
Girl, to friend: Did that guy just call me a whore?
–East Village
Overheard by: James Triggs
Girl watching Oscars: Oh my god, I love Scorsese! He’s so cute. I just want to have him in my pocket.
–10th & 5th
Seven-year-old girl on cell: Oh my gosh, Carrie! In Macy’s my mom just bought me the cutest Coach bag and matching scarf!
–34th St
Overheard by: georgia
Teen girl: Dude, whatever… Some bums are really cute!
–10th & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oliver
Latino goth muscle-man to girl: I know, but, like, spiritually? Emotionally? I have the cutest, pinkest little vagina [makes triangle formation with fingers over crotch]… And it’s tight.
–F train
Overheard by: meg
Dean of Students’ Services to third year student: You’d make a cute pregnant woman.
–Columbia Law School
Girl: I think having a cunt is cute!
–15th & 6th
Overheard by: Oh my
Chick #1: So I get him home, right, and he takes it off and he’s wearin’ lavendah undaweah…
Chick #2, cackling: My gawd!
–Bleecker
Overheard by: sadi heleina
Thugette #1: Man, where the fuck am I gonna get a prom dress and after-party outfit? You know, I should just sell crack! Ain’t nobody gonna stop me!
Thugette #2: Yeah, that’s the best part about being a girl.
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: DaraDay
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· “By the way, are you free to babysit that night?” – bobofthejungle
· “Miracle of birth ain’t got nothin’ on pushin'” – Erin
· “Sugar and Crack and Everything Whack” – The Trayster
· “The Third Wave of Feminism Wants Its Money, Bitch” – clevecinema
· “Well, Other Than the Multiple Orgasms…” – Teppy
