Middle-aged woman: … And you can’t just tell me what you thought of it?
Middle-aged man: I can tell you. I’ll tell you in two words: Anal intercourse.
Middle-aged woman: No, no. Give me three words.
–Broadway & 35th, Astoria
Overheard by: Three’s a Crowd
College guy #1: You know, the first five or six times a day it’s easy to just rub one out, but at, like, seven or eight you gotta start getting inventive.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: …What?
College guy #1: I mean, that’s when you gotta pull out the beastiality and shit to get it done.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: Oh my god, I’m going to need therapy. Can you stop speaking?
–Broadway near NYU
Overheard by: worried that they are our future
Woman missing upper teeth: He was followin’ me down the street so I turned around and said, ‘Why are you followin’ me?’
Friend: Yeah.
Woman missing upper teeth: And he said, ‘I wasn’t followin’ you, I was followin’ your ass.’ So I said, ‘Then take my ass to the clothing store.’ And a month later, I moved in with him.
–Manhattan-bound N train
Overheard by: chris
Woman: Can you tell me where the bus to Rochester is?
Information guy: Gate 63.
Woman: Thank you.
Information guy, after she walks away: Yeah, she wants me to lick her dirty pussy.
–Port Authority Bus Station
Overheard by: Andrew Dill
College girl: My friend told me that if you join the Peace Corps, you’ve got to learn to skin and gut animals. Even if you are a vegetarian!
Redneck guy: I’ve gutted hundreds of animals.
College girl: I’m morally opposed to gutting animals. I only want to see chicken in Saran Wrap at the grocery store.
Redneck guy: I’ve gutted about 800 chickens, 200 ducks, 200 deer.
College girl: Please. I don’t want to hear about your animal gutting history any more than you want to hear about my sexual history.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Shy
Guy #1: I love how pretty girls smell good.
Guy #2: Yeah. Have you ever sniffed one?
Guy #1: No.
–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Olivia
Girl #1: I had to close my account.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I wasn’t creeping anyone out. Like, the other day some guy IMs me, and I tell him that I’m really into short guys, like five foot three and under, because I want to feel like I’m fooling around with a little boy.
Girl #2: What did he say?
Girl #1: He asked me if I wanted to meet up. Lavalife freak.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Alex
Dude: I know she’s your girlfriend, John, but I’d come all over her.
Bartender chick: Wow, that was kind of… graphic.
–The Slaughtered Lamb, Jones & West 4th
Overheard by: Tarkus
Guy #1: Whatever happened to good old-fashioned rape?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Well, nowadays you hear about girls being drugged with, like, military sedatives.
–Fordham University, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Client: You don’t abuse my dog, do you?
Groomer: Let me check your card.
–Animal clinic, Queens
