Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, “The Girl from Emphysema?”
–Times Square
Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, “The Girl from Emphysema?”
–Times Square
Where: Time Square Toys R Us
Cashier: May I have your phone number, starting with the area code, please?
Customer: You’re not my type.
Where: Wendy’s, Caesar’s Bay
Mom Customer: “Can you exchange this Kid’s Meal toy for me? I need something for a girl to play with.”
Lady Patron: It’s freezing outside.
Man behind counter: Let’s move to Florida!
Lady Patron: No, thank you.
–Coffee Shop, Hudson & King Street
Server: Oh no, not you again! Whatchoo want?
Customer: ‘talian col’ cut.
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: I said ‘talian col’ cut!
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: Damn baby, I want you on it!
Server: Shit, you wouldn’t even know what to do with me!
Customer: Damn baby, I eat that shit!
–Bed-Stuy deli
Customer: French toast bagel.
Cashier: Cream cheese?
Customer: French toast bagel.
Cashier: French toast bagel, yes, but did you have cream cheese on it?!
–Au Bon Pain, 44th & Madison
Customer: No, I don't want to dry it here. Thank you.
Laundromat owner: Why not?
Customer: It shrinks in the dryer and I don't want to go out with it like that.
Laundromat owner: Ah, what does it matter if it shrinks, man?
–Laundromat, 8th Ave & 20th St
Overheard by: Katherine
Customer: So, what casino did you go to?
Clerk: The Taj Mahell.
–Smoke Shop, East Village
Overheard by: Evan
Latin guy behind deli counter: Do you need anything else, ma?
Crazy white lady: Don't call me “ma”! I'm not black, I'm not Spanish! I'm American!
–Key Foods, Park Slope, Brooklyn
Person #1, in line for fitting rooms at H&M: How many people actually buy these clothes?
Person #2: A lot.
Person #1: But we live in Westbury, we'll never get to wear these.
–34th St & 7th Ave
