Middle-aged white lady: What are you trying to do? You are so rude! I can’t believe you! I am going to get you fired!
Clerk: [Silence.]Middle-aged white lady, to entire line: Can you believe these people? They are so rude! I can’t believe they are trying to short me my coffee! It’s unbelievable!
Young black man: Stop being so white.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Atlantic & 4th, Brooklyn
Creepy clown outside Harry Potter party: Hey! Are you kids here for Harry Potter?
Group of super-excited kids: Yeah!
Creepy clown: I really hate that guy!
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Old man to two-year old: Man, talking to you is like fucking talking to a brick wall.
–F train
Overheard by: trieze
Old man in power wheelchair: Move, motherfuckers, unless you want some rubber up yo’ ass.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Deniz G
Old guy: In the Boy Scouts they tell you to pray and… put your testicles on ice.
–W 58th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Jon A.
Old lady: You turn around and say ‘Excuse me’ or I’ll punch your fucking face in!
–42nd St and 5th Ave
Old man: … And all these bikes keep running red lights. I just wish I had a big stick — I would shove it through their spokes!
–2nd Ave station
Old bitter woman to husband: I don’t understand sex.
–72nd & 2nd
Overheard by: imsorry
Skinny girl #1, reading magazine: Why are they showing Jessica Biel’s diet? She’s not even skinny.
Skinny girl #2: Seriously! They should show Nicole Richie’s diet: don’t eat.
–73rd & Columbus
Little boy to mail woman: FedEx is better than you!
–80th & West End
Little girl with hands on bull’s balls: Mommy, Mommy! Take a picture of me! I’m going to milk it!
–Wall St Bull
Four-year-old girl, referring to bull’s balls: Touch ’em, Daddy, touch ’em!
–Wall St Bull
Seven-year-old girl, hopping furiously on one leg: My legs are confusing me!
–Corson Ave, Staten Island
Overheard by: Matt
Young boy to mother: I wish you would stop blaming me for all of your life’s problems!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jay
Conductor: This is your second chance for the A Train. Not so many times in life do you get a second chance. A Train — across the platform.
–C train, 42nd St
Overheard by: deb
Tall black woman: Beyoncé! That bitch! She stole my life!
–PATH, 14th St
Overheard by: Adam A
Suit: You know, I made up my mind to eat Ritz crackers for the rest of my life, and dammit, I’m gonna enjoy it!
–54th & Park
Overheard by: fellow ritz lover
Chick: Then someone put on Linkin Park — can you believe that? I had to just go in the back and smell some pretty soap and pretend I know what I’m doing with my life.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: dave !
Commuter student: Yeah, you know, I want to have a life. I want to get my nails done.
–NYU
Overheard by: because really, what more is there to life?
Big black lady exiting movie: Yo, that shit was dumb.
Big black friend: Dumb shit.
Big black lady: For a second I thought it wasn’t going to be dumb… But then it was.
Big black friend: Dumb, dumb, dumb shit.
Big black lady: Dumb!
Big black friend: Man, was that dumb.
Big black lady: Dumb.
–Loews, 34th St
Girl: Ew, look… I hate midgets.
Guy: But what about primordial dwarfs? You love them.
Girl: That’s because they’re in proportion.
–49th & 3rd
Man, slamming on hood of taxi inching forward: Hey! I’m walkin’ here! [Turns to people behind him] Where’s that from?
Lady passerby: Midnight Cowboy!
–50th & Broadway
College dude #1: You know what I hate about New York?
College dude #2: What?
College dude #1: Female mustaches.
College dude #2: You don’t think there are women with mustaches anywhere else?
College dude #1: No, but there are shitloads more here than anywhere else, and no one seems to care.
College dude #2: Touché.
–59th & 10th
