Hobo: Anyone have any spare change or medicine for lice?
–Christopher St. station
Overheard by: Matthew Dyke
Hobo: Excuse me, excuse me, sir, do you have change for a 12?
–West 4th Street
Singing hobo: I just spilled, I just spilled, I just spilled my blackberry brand-ayyyy.
–14th St. & 6th Ave.
Overheard by: wayne mitchell
Hobo: Folks, help me out. I am trying to get my rotor blade fixed on my helicopter!
–W. 10th and 7th Ave
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
Connecticut woman: It was such a joke among my friends; I was always going out with artists or unemployed people…which I guess is the same thing.
–Cuppa Cuppa, East Village
Hobo: Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s delivery service? It’s called Boyz 2 Men!
Schlub: This guy’s good!
–1/9 train
Hobo: You are very beautiful…you look like a movie star. Like Morgan Freeman.
Girl: Huh?
Hobo: Er, no, Morgan…Fairchild. Yeah, Morgan Fairchild.
–Bedford Ave. station
Subway comic: Ladies, special today is used pregnancy tests. I’ve got negative and positive. Gentlemen, you won’t need to go on Maury. I got Viagra Snickers bars, straight from the nursing home. And for all you people who lift weights, this just in: Barry Bonds’ used steroid needles. I’m here for one reason and one reason only, so dig deep in your wallet and pocketbook…Wooh! I got a dollar! I can buy a superbubble and some chips! For every $5 or $10 you give me, it takes me one step closer to college. For every $100 or $200 you give me, I won’t need college. My name is Crazy Jay! Look for me, and thanks for being nosey!
–D train
Hobo: Beep. Beep. Beep.
Fat woman: Stop it!
Hobo: Beep. Beep. Beep.
–9th between 37th & 38th
Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.
–Central Park
Overheard by: sarah
Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Date Rape
Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.
–Subway
Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.
–51st St & Broadway
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…
–Union Square, uptown 6 train
Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.
–Outside Columbia dorm
Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.
–68th St & York
Black woman, to white kid flanked by two pretty girls: Hey, mista’! Ya got some change?
Same black woman, to the two girls: Don’t go givin’ away pussy fo’ free!
–DeKalb Station
Overheard by: BagelOfTheDamned
A hobo sits begging with outstretched hands. Another hobo walks by and comments: Aw man, you ain’t even got a cup!
–Soho
Girl in line: Oh, you like cats?
Guy in line: Well, I used to work with tigers.
–Williamsburg bodega
Hobo: Damn, that nigga be happier than a faggot in a bag of dick.
–125th & Lexington
