Man #1: Yo, man. I hate the holidays.
Man #2: Yeah, I know.
Man #1: All them damned people come. Subways get so crowded. And yo, man, men try to stand behind my woman!
Man #2: That’s not right.
Man #1: I’ll hit you if you stand behind my woman, I don’t care if it’s Christmas. That’s my woman, man. Only I get to stand behind my woman.
Man #2: That’s your right, man.
Man #1: Damned tourists don’t know how it works here, man.
–4 train
Overheard by: Redshikari
Man: You know that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, right?
Six-year-old boy: No, he does exist. When I wrote him a letter and asked him for pink Plush Puppies, I got them on Christmas.
Man: Dude, then you are a serious homosexual. What kind of boy asks for pink Plush Puppies?
–Rockaway
Overheard by: Bully
Chick: I’m so glad for those, uh, Ramadan people.
Friend: Muslims?
Chick: Yeah, the UN was closed and I got to sit at home watching soap operas and eating cereal.
–6 train
Driver: Some people want to go to work, some people want to go home, some people want to go into your pockets… Watch for pickpockets.
–B44 bus
Overheard by: Katia
Bus driver: This is the express bus to Boston. We’ll arrive at 10:00, 10:30, whichever is earlier.
–Port Authority bus terminal
Bus driver: Happy New Year’s everyone. This is the New Year’s bus. I hope someone is looking over my roasted pork chops in the oven back there. I got some collard greens and potatoes cookin’ as well. Let’s get this bus movin’.
–101 bus, 68th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sashanyc
Bus driver who wouldn’t let anyone pay to get on, claiming she’d won the lottery: Nice day today, huh? Y’all wanna go to the beach? Bring a blanket? Three p.m. — meet me at a secret location. MTA going your way! They won’t mind if I take it for a few hours. Madison is next.
–M79 bus, 79th & 5th
Overheard by: mar
Bus driver to boarding passengers: If you have a name that starts with a letter, move to the back of the bus.
–86th St crosstown bus
Overheard by: Hannah Rose
Guy: So, for New Year’s…
Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t want to do any of that Times Square stuff — it’s really scary there. All those terrorists…
–Joe’s Shanghai, Chinatown
Overheard by: soup dumpling
Hipster #1 walking past large inflatable snowman: Dude, I fucking hate Christmas. It’s like, nothing but a giant celebration of modern consumer capitalism.
Hipster #2 gesturing to wreath on church door: Totally. Look, even the churches are advertising Christmas these days.
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Airhead #1: Where is the tree?
Airhead #2: It’s not here!
–Next to the unlit Christmas tree, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lalaith
Bench girl #1: So, do you guys go to church for Christmas?
Bench girl #2: Nah, my family’s Jewish.
Bench girl #1: … So do you go to temple to celebrate Christmas?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Doug
Two ghetto carolers: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way… [To three other carolers] Hey! Fuckin’ sing! You’re not singing, and we’re supposed to make people fuckin’ happy and shit.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Tex Morgan
