Holidays

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

Girl #1: It's like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.

Boone, North Carolina

Professor: I’ve decided to move the midterm to next week, because apparently we are missing a substantial amount of Jews.
Student to friend: Holy crap! Passover just saved my ass!

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: BECKEKE

Guy: Ohmigod, you don't look Jewish, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn't about Jesus…

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Bernadette

Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!

http://zipster.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/overheard-on-the-plane-as-we-were-landing-in-puerto-vallarta/

Overheard by: The Zipster

Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.

UCC Campus
Ireland

Good looking dude, walking up to friend: Cunnilingus!
Good looking friend: And cunnilingus to you too.

Wits University
Johannesburg
South Africa

Teenage girl (matter-of-factly): My sister’s friend came over yesterday because it was Memorial Day. You know, because she’s a stripper.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/301034253/if-i-had-a-nickle.html

Overheard by: yeah, that makes total sense…

Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house…you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.

Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

Female: What are you gonna be for Halloween?
Child: Al Capone.
Female: But you're Al Capone every day.

Memphis, Tennessee