Jeez, You're So Literal

Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.

Fred Meyer Store
Oregon

Posted on April 28, 2009
Default, Guys, Holidays, Offers and requests, Oregon, Questions, Stores, Women

Is That What You Call Your Vagina?

Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.

Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: awesome

Posted on March 26, 2009
California, Clothes, Default, Employees, Fashion, Holidays, Stores, Toys, Women

But the Sombrero Is Just for Style

Prof: Is today Cinco de Mayo?
Girl: No, that's in a few days.
Prof: Well, I had a few shots of tequila when I got up this morning, just in case.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Face

Posted on September 22, 2008
Default, Drinking & drunks, Holidays, Questions, Teachers, Washington, Weirdness

If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show

60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying “Easter”?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying “ass”! For saying “ass” on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?

Grandma's house
Illinois

Posted on September 22, 2008
Christianity, Default, Hair, Holidays, Illinois, Insults, Moms, Old folks, Questions, Women, Words

Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No

Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on May 31, 2008
Birthing, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Education, Happiness, Holidays, Pregnancy, School [Elem., Middle, & High]

It Doesn’t Translate Well

Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, “Yay, it’s Ramadan!”
Girl: So, like … “Yay, I’m not eating or having sex most of the day!”?

Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on May 3, 2008
Canadia, Comebacks, Girls, Holidays, Insults, Language barrier, Questions, Religion, Religious fanatics, Words

Almost Like She Thinks I’m a Smartass

Guy #1: I think I fucked up my chance with Jen.
Guy #2: Why? what did you do?
Guy #1: Well she’s religious, and she sent me a text today that says, “I get real emotional on Good Friday.” so I write back, ‘I get real emotional on filet-o-fish Fridays.’ She hasn’t responded since.

Burbank, California

Overheard by: James Jameson

Posted on April 14, 2008
California, Christianity, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Friends, Guys, Holidays

This Is a Funeral, Sarah

Chick: Man, I hate vacations! I always end up over-packing, and then I never get laid!

Kingston
Jamaica

Posted on February 28, 2008
Central America, Chicks, Default, Gripes, Holidays, Sex

More Organized Than “We,” Grammar Slob

Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That’s for people who are more organized than us.

Rochester, Minnesota

Posted on January 30, 2008
Candy, Holidays, Kids, Minnesota, Moms

Why Are You Buying a Chocolate Jesus?

Cashier: Merry Christmas.
Customer: You, too.
Cashier: Wait! I gotta be politically correct — Happy Holidays.
Customer: Yeah, I’m Jewish.
Cashier: Oh my god, me too!
Customer: Then why the fuck are we wishing each other a Merry Christmas?
Cashier: I have no fucking clue.

Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey

Overheard by: I celebrate christmas….

Posted on January 16, 2008
Customers, Holidays, New Jersey