Girl: Can Jews have sex on Shabbos?
Friend: Are you serious?
Girl: Well, I don't know! They can't drive cars, they can't carry money, they even have a special elevator for them in hospitals! What can they do?
Friend: Apparently, not drive to hospitals and pay people to have sex with them in elevators.
–77th & York
Four-year-old boy: I’m tired.
Serious mom: You can’t be tired. It’s Halloween.
–95th & 3rd
Overheard by: acep
Guy #1: Yeah… And then it always grosses me out when they split the skull open and eat the brains.
Guy #2: The brains are the best part.
Guy #1: Yeah, I guess that’s what Easter is all about.
–Mama Bell’s Pizza, Bayside
Overheard by: sara swank
Girl: Can you press 8, please?
The guy does so. The doors open to let him off on the 3rd floor, and the scent of hannukah latkes fills the elevator.
Girl: Smells like Judaism here.
–Elevator, Columbus between 95th & 96th
Overheard by: Jayson Littman
Guy #1: You know, you never would have even heard of Halloween if I hadn’t told you about it.
Guy #2: Whatever.
–9th Ave & 15th St
Overheard by: Don Willmott
Man: So, you’re *finally* wearing green for Saint Patrick’s Day.
Woman: I wore a green dress on Saint Patrick’s Day. I’m half Irish and half German.
Man: Oh, we’re all Mongols, aren’t we?
–William & Ann
Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lo
Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?
–7 Train
Overheard by: Andrea
Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.
–Downtown NYC Courthouse
Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Marlon B
Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.
–Cobble Hill
Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too
Drunk girl #1: So I think I am going to go as something I totally hate for Halloween.
Drunk girl #2: What are you going as?
Drunk girl #1: I think I am either going as a Jew or a Chinese person
or a tourist.
Drunk girl #2: Hey, you know I am Jewish, don’t you?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t care, I am definitely going as a Jew.
Drunk girl #2: Shots?
–37th & 3rd
Overheard by: Brian McCormick
Child, after hurting himself: Jesus!
Grandma: Oh, no. Don’t say that tonight.
Child: Christ!
–Seder, UWS
Overheard by: bobby bo bobby
Headline by: AL
Runners-Up:
· “Sawww-eee.” – Sameer
· “All that colorful Yiddish I taught you, and this is the best you can do?” – MB
· “Blasphemy is allah the same to me” – Yugan
· “Either way, it’s still not kosher” – Peter
· “Wait until after we kill him” – bobofthejungle
Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!
–Brooklyn Heights
Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!
–47th & 5th
Overheard by: anon
Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!
–23rd Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: sara n.
Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.
–93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: punkee
Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!
–Lafayette & Astor
Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?
–Hudson St
Overheard by: lilli
