Old lady: What did you just say?
Three-year-old: [Inaudible mumbling.]Old lady: Don’t curse, goddammit! You sound like a fucking ass!
–110th & Madison
Old lady: What did you just say?
Three-year-old: [Inaudible mumbling.]Old lady: Don’t curse, goddammit! You sound like a fucking ass!
–110th & Madison
Chick to friend: That guy in the Starbucks across the street was such a douchebag.
Guy behind her, leaning in: I can be a douchebag if you want me to [winks].
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alanna
White nerd in monotone: Look, just because I’m a motherfucking P-I-M-P does not give you the right to kiss up on my women.
Black guy: Fool, don’t be trippin’! You ain’t got but one woman, and she’s fat.
–45th & 9th
Street vendor: Five dollar.
Browser: No, three dollars.
Street vendor: No, no, five dollar!
Browser: No, I’ll pay three dollars.
Street vendor: No. Five dollar!
Browser: Okay, no thanks.
Street vendor: Yeah, well, you too tall!
–Chinatown
Overheard by: he was pretty tall
Girl #1: I can’t even talk to her anymore. All she does is sit in her room, smoke pot and sulk. It’s pathetic.
Girl #2: That’s kind of what I do.
Girl #1: Me, too. But it’s okay, ’cause we’re not fat like she is.
Girl #2: Totally!
–Union Square
20-something girl: You know, it’s just not in Donna… It’s just not in her hema-… hema-… What’s it called? It’s just not in her hematoma to be cool.
Friend: Totally! I know! No matter how she cuts her hair at any age she’ll just never look good.
–86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Abby
Dude looking at sign for Godiva store: If you look at that sign, you could read it as ‘Go diva.’
Chick: Yeah, if you look at it through gay goggles.
–The Village
Crazy guy to wife at front of bus: Fucking therapist fucking charges me three hundred dollars for three fucking minutes. Fuckers are trying to take my money!
Drunk guy at back of bus: Shut up! Stop cursing! There are kids on the bus.
Crazy guy to wife: I take you out to dinner, and you don’t even want to fucking go anywhere?! Why the fuck do I put up with you?!
Drunk guy: Shut up! There are womenfolk on the bus.
Crazy guy: You shut the fuck up. You think I’m not fucking dumb but I’m not. [His wife starts hitting him.]Drunk guy: Shut up! That’s what my two-year-old boy says — ‘Shut up’! Hahahaha.
Lady laughing on cell: Are you guys gonna still be at the bar? … Excellent!
–Bx10 bus
Overheard by: LSB
Girl #1: Nice scarf. Did you knit it yourself?
Girl #2: Fuck you. Don’t talk to me.
–F train
Guy to group of teenagers after doors close on crowded train: You know, in this city we move in on the trains.
Girl #1: We’re not tourists, you know.
Guy: Then you should know better.
Girl #1: Oh, just shut up.
Guy: Didn’t your father teach you to act better?
Girl #2: Her father is dead.
Guy, after slight pause: Well, maybe that’s why she’s such an obnoxious little twat.
–1 train
Overheard by: LSB
