Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Little girl singing in stall: It’s okay that Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man! It’s okay that…
Mom: Brooke! Jesus Christ!
Little girl: Oh, Mommy is a man la la la la la! Can we get tacos?
–Restroom, MoMA
Overheard by: ChaChaCha
Man on cell: Okay, so do we want to make a girl or a boy tonight? ‘Cause if we want to make a boy I have to go get my football gear out of my mom’s attic. Do I actually have to hold the football the whole time or just for a little bit?
–34th & 2nd
Dude: You know what? I’m just going to drop out of college and play baseball, ’cause I’ve always wanted to play for the NBA!
–SJU baseball field
Overheard by: rach boogie
Hipster: If baseball was a person, you would be racist.
–L train
Overheard by: Aidan
Man: I have reffed more basketball games this season than you have underpants.
–55th & 7th
Overheard by: Caroline
Conductor: This is Willets Point-Shea Stadium… Home of, y’know, that other team.
–Flushing-bound 7 train
Young child at end of show: Is it halftime yet?
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: amused tourist
Angry lady to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fucking rent! They don’t eat my fucking pussy!
–E 9th & 5th
Man on cell: It comes down to about seven dollars a blowjob.
–59th & 5th
Wheelbo, politely: Excuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ignored, so addresses next passerby politely] Pardon me, ma’am? Are you looking for a dick to suck?
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: No, I am not.
SVA photography teacher: You’d have a better time giving head to King Kong than using this method.
–SVA, 21st & 3rd
Overheard by: student
Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghetti.’
–Outside hardware store, 102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh
Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a donkey I would have done it.
–W New York hotel, Union Square
17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eating me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Woman on cell: So, the doctor tells me to get on the table. He could’ve told me to get on the table and be a dog and I would’ve hopped on there and went, ‘Bow-wow, motherfuck.’
–6 train
Overheard by: SilentButDeadly
Young girl to mother: Do you think I’m a dog? I’ll tell you if I am.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: vm
30-ish woman: Tom’s* ass, to me, is like a steak to a sleeping dog… Rrruff!
–34th & 5th
Overheard by: hungry dog
Big black man: My friend is looking for people to sell cocaine for him. He figured out this great way to get around the dogs — they’re scared of bigger animals, so he puts all his drugs in bull shit.
–Bus, Broadway
Overheard by: lora
Dude: Are those things dogs or are those things people?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Baron
Checkout chick: So, that’s my dilemma — do I spend my tax refund on a chihuahua or a Master’s degree?
–Warehouse Wines, 770 Broadway
Overheard by: Jamie
Little boy: The pigeon knows no fear.
–Central Park
Outraged 20-something to friend: He’s the one who told me to put the duck in the eulogy!
–Columbus Circle
Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s so hot outside I could cook a turkey between my legs!
–Outside Fordham University
Overheard by: Sharon
Extremely flamboyant black guy: I threw my corn, but I ain’t throw no chicken! Okay?
–LaGuardia airport
Overheard by: waste not, want not
Little girl: Mommy, I just saw two pigeons dancing together!
–M66 bus
Guy: Is that a baby or a chicken?!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: emily
Father: Come on, hurry up, we’re gonna be late!
Three-year-old son: But Dad… [Tugs at dad’s coat.]Father: What did I just say? Not now!
Three-year-old son: But, but it’s important–
Father: It better be the most fucking important thing in the world if you’re gonna keep slowing me down!
Three-year-old son: But it is important!
Father: Fine! [Stops walking.] Well, what is it then, if it’s the most important thing in the world?
Three-year-old son: I love you.
Father, after a pause: Well, that’s great, but this is not the time for love, okay? Got it?
Three-year-old son: I guess so…
–5th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m serious. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pocket. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flipping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our future.
–Convenience store, 122nd & Lex
Overheard by: I just wanted some 40’s…
Lady holding child’s hand: If one more person bumps into me today I am going to fucking kill them.
Passerby: Good, lady, teach your child to be an asshole just like you.
Kid: Fuck you, asshole!
Passerby: See!
–Subway, 86th St
Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.
Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]
–N train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!
