Kids

Wednesday One-Liners Call Their Bookies

Man on cell: Okay, so do we want to make a girl or a boy tonight? ‘Cause if we want to make a boy I have to go get my football gear out of my mom’s attic. Do I actually have to hold the football the whole time or just for a little bit?

–34th & 2nd

Dude: You know what? I’m just going to drop out of college and play baseball, ’cause I’ve always wanted to play for the NBA!

–SJU baseball field

Overheard by: rach boogie

Hipster: If baseball was a person, you would be racist.

–L train

Overheard by: Aidan

Man: I have reffed more basketball games this season than you have underpants.

–55th & 7th

Overheard by: Caroline

Conductor: This is Willets Point-Shea Stadium… Home of, y’know, that other team.

–Flushing-bound 7 train

Young child at end of show: Is it halftime yet?

–Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: amused tourist

Wednesday One-Liners Talk with Their Mouths Full

Angry lady to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fucking rent! They don’t eat my fucking pussy!

–E 9th & 5th

Man on cell: It comes down to about seven dollars a blowjob.

–59th & 5th

Wheelbo, politely: Excuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ignored, so addresses next passerby politely] Pardon me, ma’am? Are you looking for a dick to suck?

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: No, I am not.

SVA photography teacher: You’d have a better time giving head to King Kong than using this method.

–SVA, 21st & 3rd

Overheard by: student

Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghetti.’

–Outside hardware store, 102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a donkey I would have done it.

–W New York hotel, Union Square

17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eating me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Wag the Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: So, the doctor tells me to get on the table. He could’ve told me to get on the table and be a dog and I would’ve hopped on there and went, ‘Bow-wow, motherfuck.’

–6 train

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Young girl to mother: Do you think I’m a dog? I’ll tell you if I am.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: vm

30-ish woman: Tom’s* ass, to me, is like a steak to a sleeping dog… Rrruff!

–34th & 5th

Overheard by: hungry dog

Big black man: My friend is looking for people to sell cocaine for him. He figured out this great way to get around the dogs — they’re scared of bigger animals, so he puts all his drugs in bull shit.

–Bus, Broadway

Overheard by: lora

Dude: Are those things dogs or are those things people?

–Union Square

Overheard by: The Baron

Checkout chick: So, that’s my dilemma — do I spend my tax refund on a chihuahua or a Master’s degree?

–Warehouse Wines, 770 Broadway

Overheard by: Jamie

Wednesday One-Liners Want the Drumstick

Little boy: The pigeon knows no fear.

–Central Park

Outraged 20-something to friend: He’s the one who told me to put the duck in the eulogy!

–Columbus Circle

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s so hot outside I could cook a turkey between my legs!

–Outside Fordham University

Overheard by: Sharon

Extremely flamboyant black guy: I threw my corn, but I ain’t throw no chicken! Okay?

–LaGuardia airport

Overheard by: waste not, want not

Little girl: Mommy, I just saw two pigeons dancing together!

–M66 bus

Guy: Is that a baby or a chicken?!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: emily

And So, the First Layer of Scar Tissue Forms on the Heart

Father: Come on, hurry up, we’re gonna be late!
Three-year-old son: But Dad… [Tugs at dad’s coat.]Father: What did I just say? Not now!
Three-year-old son: But, but it’s important–
Father: It better be the most fucking important thing in the world if you’re gonna keep slowing me down!
Three-year-old son: But it is important!
Father: Fine! [Stops walking.] Well, what is it then, if it’s the most important thing in the world?
Three-year-old son: I love you.
Father, after a pause: Well, that’s great, but this is not the time for love, okay? Got it?
Three-year-old son: I guess so…

–5th & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

Where’s Mr. T When You Need Him?

Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m serious. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pocket. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flipping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our future.

–Convenience store, 122nd & Lex

Overheard by: I just wanted some 40’s…

My Kid Will Be Twice the Asshole I Am

Lady holding child’s hand: If one more person bumps into me today I am going to fucking kill them.
Passerby: Good, lady, teach your child to be an asshole just like you.
Kid: Fuck you, asshole!
Passerby: See!

–Subway, 86th St

Good Insincerity, but You Blew Your Line

Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.

Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]

–N train

Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!

That’s Some Sandwich

Mom to five-year-old son eating sandwich at a wake: Put that sandwich down! Your grandfather is dead and you’re eating a sandwich!
Boy: [Spits out food and drops sandwich to floor] Is he alive now?

–Bronx

Overheard by: Culturally Confuzzled Human

I Must Be Developing an Immunity to the Drugs Again

Little kid: I was born in India!
Older brother: No you weren’t.
Little kid: Oh… The stupidness is coming back.

–Asian Peoples wing, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Lara

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist