Kids

Wednesday One-Liners Want the Drumstick

Little boy: The pigeon knows no fear.

–Central Park

Outraged 20-something to friend: He’s the one who told me to put the duck in the eulogy!

–Columbus Circle

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s so hot outside I could cook a turkey between my legs!

–Outside Fordham University

Overheard by: Sharon

Extremely flamboyant black guy: I threw my corn, but I ain’t throw no chicken! Okay?

–LaGuardia airport

Overheard by: waste not, want not

Little girl: Mommy, I just saw two pigeons dancing together!

–M66 bus

Guy: Is that a baby or a chicken?!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: emily

And So, the First Layer of Scar Tissue Forms on the Heart

Father: Come on, hurry up, we’re gonna be late!
Three-year-old son: But Dad… [Tugs at dad’s coat.]Father: What did I just say? Not now!
Three-year-old son: But, but it’s important–
Father: It better be the most fucking important thing in the world if you’re gonna keep slowing me down!
Three-year-old son: But it is important!
Father: Fine! [Stops walking.] Well, what is it then, if it’s the most important thing in the world?
Three-year-old son: I love you.
Father, after a pause: Well, that’s great, but this is not the time for love, okay? Got it?
Three-year-old son: I guess so…

–5th & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

Where’s Mr. T When You Need Him?

Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m serious. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pocket. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flipping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our future.

–Convenience store, 122nd & Lex

Overheard by: I just wanted some 40’s…

My Kid Will Be Twice the Asshole I Am

Lady holding child’s hand: If one more person bumps into me today I am going to fucking kill them.
Passerby: Good, lady, teach your child to be an asshole just like you.
Kid: Fuck you, asshole!
Passerby: See!

–Subway, 86th St

Good Insincerity, but You Blew Your Line

Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.

Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]

–N train

Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!

That’s Some Sandwich

Mom to five-year-old son eating sandwich at a wake: Put that sandwich down! Your grandfather is dead and you’re eating a sandwich!
Boy: [Spits out food and drops sandwich to floor] Is he alive now?

–Bronx

Overheard by: Culturally Confuzzled Human

I Must Be Developing an Immunity to the Drugs Again

Little kid: I was born in India!
Older brother: No you weren’t.
Little kid: Oh… The stupidness is coming back.

–Asian Peoples wing, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Lara

Who Let Johnny Knoxville Reproduce?

Four-year-old tourist kid: I farted!
Tourist dad: Give me a high five!

–C train

Good Thing You’re Pretty

Little girl #1 looking at Manhattan Mini Storage poster: Do you know what ‘suburb’ means?
Little girl #2: Sunburns?
Little girl #1: Suburbs. ‘Stuck in the suburbs.’ They’re boring. See that guy in his underwear? His house is in the suburbs.
Little girl #2: Sunburns?

–N train

Overheard by: LSB

And These Aren’t the Droids You’re Looking For

Kid in stroller: I want rice!
Mom: You don’t want no rice.
Kid: I don’t want no rice.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: djingo

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist