Mother to friend: So, I had a hot flash the other day, and I was like, ‘Oh my god! Am I going through menopause?’ and–
Son: –Mom! What does ‘menopause’ mean? [Mother ignores him.] If you don’t tell me, I’ll yell it in public until you do!
–Starbucks
Mother to friend: So, I had a hot flash the other day, and I was like, ‘Oh my god! Am I going through menopause?’ and–
Son: –Mom! What does ‘menopause’ mean? [Mother ignores him.] If you don’t tell me, I’ll yell it in public until you do!
–Starbucks
Eight-year-old delinquent: Yeah, son, I’m gonna get drunk on eggnog!
Six-year-old brother: I’ma drink me two beers!
Mother: Shut up, yous were all tricked! That was apple cider!
–A train
Overheard by: Hungover Intern
Little girl exiting restroom: Mommy! I’m not afraid to have a baby anymore!
Mother: Huh?
Little girl: I just had the biggest poop ever!
–McDonald’s
Teen boy: I really think that in Dracula the vampire dude is trying to bring the sexy back to England.
–F train
Overheard by: Mike N
Conductor: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, this is your conductor. It seems that many of you enjoy cramming into this train as if there is not another one directly behind us. But I understand, for I am a very sexy conductor, and everyone wants to be on my train. If you do, please stand clear of the doors. Thank you.
–6 train, 59th St
Overheard by: Katey
Girl: That was a sexy garbage can…
–Stuyvesant High School
Little boy in stroller: I’m bringing sexy back!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: sarah B
Drunk Yankee fan: Oh, god. I need to get to Tarrytown, and there isn’t even a fucking steering wheel on the goddamn train!
–Train from Penn Station
Overheard by: tourist…
Automated female voice finishes announcing the stop.
Toddler: This is 23rd Street — Union Square! Transfers available to the S, L, N… The S! S, L, and N trains! Stand clear of the closing doors!
–6 train at 23rd St
Overheard by: vic
Woman to daughter: The Subway Lord might come through and kick you off.
–R train
Toddler quivering with fright: Oh, no, Mommy. Oh, no. Oh, dear… Oh, dear… Oh, dear. The train’s coming, Mommy. It’s coming. Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no! Mommy! It’s coming, Mommy! Oh, no, Mommy! Mommy! It’s coming. It’s coming! It’s coming, it’s coming! Ahhh!
–6 train station, 77th St
Overheard by: BJ
Black guy opening engineer’s door after 15 minutes of standstill: Yo, move this shit, or I’ll drive it myself!
–Canarsie-bound L train
Woman wedged into middle of packed car: Just another day in paradise.
–1 train, rush hour
Girl on cell: I have that freshly fucked feeling.
–The Gap, Bensonhurst
Lady on cell: Do you remember the guy who used to be in Grand Central all the time? The one with the doll… The doll he would fuck. He and the doll would do a fuck dance. He had it strapped to him at all times.
–Outside NYU dorm, E 14th St
Overheard by: college graduate
White trash gas station attendant: Life got a lot easier once I decided not to give a fuck.
–233rd St & Jerome Ave
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Suit to another: Whatever, it’s New York. I’m expecting to get told ‘F-you’ like 17 times.
–LaGuardia airport
Overheard by: Raja
Ghetto girl licking fingers and lips after consuming hot dog: Mmm, girrrl… I fucked that hot dog up!
–Mercer and W. 4th
Dude: Ma… Ma, I only used the F-word once, Ma. I’m fucking serious here.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tourist from Canadia
Little boy shouting to friend across the street: I just learned how to say ‘Fuck’!
–Irving & Greene, Bushwick
Overheard by: Andy
Son: I was so angry with him — he could have got me arrested!
Hippie dad: What’s wrong with getting arrested? [Sighs. Then, to himself] I just can’t stand my son being so fucking bourgeois any longer.
–West Village
Lady to kids: Which one of you walked on the fucking goddamn floor?!
Kid: Do you think we can fly, bitch? Of course we walked on the fucking floor!
Lady: I just fucking waxed the floor! Stop walking on the fucking floors!
–East Tremont, Bronx
Overheard by: Tydestra
Columbia dude to Columbia chick: I’m trying to figure out what the hell God wants me to be. He either wants me to be a doctor or a lawyer — I can’t decide.
–Nussbaum and Wu Bakery and Cafe, 112th & Broadway
Five-year-old girl watching a dog go through airport security: Oh, please God, pleeease don’t let it die!
–JFK
Dude on cell: No, it’s okay, I understand. I’ll see you another time [hangs up]. Yes! I don’t have to go out tonight — his grandma died! There is a god! I’m going home to go to bed.
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: andrea
Woman: I don’t got no PhD — my degree is from God.
–19th & Broadway
Little girl pointing to a poster of The Phantom of the Opera: Look, Mommy! The Mask!
Mom: No, sweetheart, that’s The Phantom of the Opera. Mask is a movie with Cher.
–Trader Joe’s
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
