Puerto Rican girl: Yo, stop starin’.
Puerto Rican guy: Bitch, I gotta feed my eyes!
–3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: jharris
Puerto Rican girl: Yo, stop starin’.
Puerto Rican guy: Bitch, I gotta feed my eyes!
–3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: jharris
Sexy blonde: My doctor said that you are supposed to poop at least once a day.
Sexy brunette: Shit! I ain’t pooped in a week!
–Grand St
Overheard by: Les Chinatown
Hipster chick: Fuck off — I already told you girls don’t poop. Especially not this one. [Boyfriend looks at her with puppy dog eyes.] And no, you cannot put your penis up there to find out. I am not having this conversation before I meet your mother.
–Norfolk & Rivington
Overheard by: edith
Fruity metro guy: My truck makes this crazy noise whenever I brake.
Mechanic: What’s the make of your truck, son?
Fruity metro guy: White.
Mechanic: No, son, the make.
Fruity metro guy: Truck.
Mechanic: The make, son, the make.
Fruity metro guy: 1997. There, I’ve just told you everything I know about my truck.
Mechanic: Who made your truck? Ford? Nissan?
Fruity metro guy: Oh, you mean the brand. It’s Ford.
Mechanic: A truck ain’t a pair of jeans, son.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: JoshOnTheBus
Man: I’m trying to work out to drop some weight.
Lady: Yeah, my girlfriend and I been goin’ to the gym to make our booties clap.
Man: Aw, yeah?
Lady: You know, makin’ em clap, gettin’ ’em right.
Man: Yeah, like, I seen this girl on TV — I think her name is Tastee…
Lady: That girl from Flavor of Love?
Man: No, not Toastee — like, a real girl, named Tastee. Her booty makes a sound like [claps his hands loudly three times]. It, like, smacks itself.
Lady: Damn.
–Rite Aid, Grand & Clinton
Overheard by: Beth P.
Kindly gent: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Little kid: Retarded!
Kindly gent: Retarded?
Little kid: My grandpa is retarded, and he gets to play and watch TV all day!
Kindly gent: [Stunned silence.]Kid’s mom, embarrassed: He means ‘retired.’
Little kid: Retarded! Retarded! Retarded! I wanna be retarded! [Starts to cry.]
–Washington & Water St
Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t give head.
Guy: Oh, why? You don’t like it?
Bimbette: No, it’s just that I’m afraid to get pregnant!
–78th & 41st
Overheard by: rain
Yuppie: You know, that’s a very expensive beer you’re not drinking.
Girlfriend: Can’t we have one night where you don’t quote American Psycho?
Yuppie: Oh, he bought her Chardonnay. Don’t worry, I’m not a Chardonnay guy.
Girlfriend: Whatever. Just don’t nail-gun me in my sleep tonight. Again.
–Iggy’s on Rivington
Chick #1: … And I’m just trying to make myself a virgin again, you know?
Chick #2: Yeah, I know.
–St. James Pl
Chelsea boy: … And then he turned to me and said, ‘I like her because she fucks me like a man.’
Chick: That’s just not something you want to hear from your father.
–Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: les chinatown
