Lower East Side

Wednesday One-liners are Open for Business

Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday?

–21st & Broadway

Woman: He didn’t come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean.

–2nd Avenue & 6th Street

Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys?

–The Hotel on Rivington

Overheard by: Joe Quint

Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey’s working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I’ll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills!

–Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street

Overheard by: Nomi Malone

Don’t Hate the Fender, Hate the Grime

Guy #1: Why did the cops just pull that biker over?
Guy #2: I dunno, it’s what, 4AM? Maybe he got on his bike drunk or something…
Guy #1: He’s wearing his helmet and everything though.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that motorcycle is pretty fucking ugly. That orange shit on the fenders is a crime.

–Delancey & Ludlow

Overheard by: a jay

They Talk Smack About You, Too

Girl: I like dogs!
Guy: Yeah, right.
Girl: Actually I’m violently allergic to them.

–Houston & Eldridge

“…it was kids who caused the bubble to burst.”

Care for Kids fundraiser: Excuse me, can I talk to you real quick? I know you’re in a rush but this will only take a second.
Suit: Sorry, I don’t care.

–Maiden Lane & Water Street

Overheard by: Jack C.

I Knew It Was Something Dirty

Thug: You wanna go for margaritas?
Girl: Nah, that’s all right.
Thug: Moo goo gai pan?

–Rivington Street

Overheard by: siara waseem

The Original Playa

Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.

–59th & Park

Three Entries Submitted In A Row

Black guy: They’re taking over! Where the shit am I supposed to eat?

–Rivington Street

Customer: I’ll have a slice of the eggplant.
Pizza guy: You know that’s organic right?
Customer: That’s fine. How long have you guys been organic?
Pizza guy: Oh, about 2 weeks now. The white girls are loving it.

–Delancey & Essex pizzeria

Overheard by: Brian

Dad (to son, 6): Do you want to go to Cafe Pertutti or Oren’s Daily Roast?

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: RPK

When Seduction Meets the Special Olympics

Guy: Where do you live again?
Girl: Right over there.
Guy: Can I walk you home?
Girl: But it’s right over there…

–Orchard Street

I’d Have to Grab My Own Package

Lady: If the doormen went on strike, what would they do?
Guy: They would stand outside their buildings and picket.
Lady: How is that different from their job other then the fact that
they would be holding a sign?

–3rd & A

Actually, He Just Makes Eyes and Licks the Bulletproof Glass

Punk girl: He doesn’t look Jewish.
Punk boy: He’s not, he’s Catholic… A real pope-fucker.

–Rivington & Ludlow

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