Tall Asian teen: That was really funny.
Shorter white teen: Yeah, I’m sorry I keep calling you a fucking Asian.
–Coming out of Avenue Q, 45th & Broadway
Tall Asian teen: That was really funny.
Shorter white teen: Yeah, I’m sorry I keep calling you a fucking Asian.
–Coming out of Avenue Q, 45th & Broadway
Drunk guy: Hey there! Have we met before? I’m sure we have.
Sober girl: No, we haven’t.
Drunk guy: Yeah we have! Where do I know you from?
Sober girl: No where. We’ve never met.
Drunk guy: YES, we have! I know we have!
Sober girl: Yeah, now that you mention it. We have met.
Drunk guy: See! I told you. Where did we meet again?
Sober girl: Your dreams, drunkie.
–Sutton Place, 53rd & 2nd
Guy #1: Dude, he was so drunk, he was twisted. He’d had like, I don’t know, 25 shots.
Guy #2: 25 shots? Of what??
Guy #1: Of vodka I guess. He was sitting in his BMW holding the wheel and falling asleep.
Guy #2: He was driving??
Guy #1: Naw… Fucker was too drunk to realize he forgot to turn the car on.
–Moeshe’s Falafal, 46th & 6th
Overheard by: Waiting for Falafal
Girl #1: The worst thing about when your favorite author dies is, you’re never going to get any new books from them.
Girl #2: Yeah!
–Strand, 12th & Broadway
Teen on cell: So how do I get to your office? Wait, which way is east? Towards the river? What river? I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE, I DON’T SEE A FUCKIN RIVER! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ASK SOMEONE WHERE THE FUCKING RIVER IS? MANHATTAN’S AN ISLAND, THERE’S RIVER ALL OVER THE PLACE!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Hipster girl #1: Oooh. She’s all Chinese and thinks she’s cute. I hate her.
Hipster girl #2: Actually, she’s Japanese. I’m pretty sure there’s a difference.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, the price of the food.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Amber Lowery
Guy #1: Hey. Is it hailing out?
Guy #2: Hail yeah!
Silence for a few seconds.
Guy #2: I said…
Guy #1: I heard you. Shut up.
–Joe’s Pizza, Carmine & 6th Ave
Overheard by: james clunie
Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.
–2nd Ave & 10th Street
Overheard by: Alia Lesoix
Woman #1: I am so tired!
Woman #2: You don’t look tired!
Man: Oh, you haven’t seen her naked!
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Overheard by: Alex Barragan
Scrabble girl: “Gooeesay” is so not a word.
Scrabble guy: That’s “guise.”
Scrabble girl: Ha! Well, smart guy, you spelled it wrong. “Guys” is spelled G-U-Y-S.
Scrabble guy: Are you serious?
Scrabble girl: Sorry, there’s no way I’m letting you get away with that after you wouldn’t give me any points for “Steve.”
Scrabble guy: How long have we been dating?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Uncle Joe
