Teen on cell: So how do I get to your office? Wait, which way is east? Towards the river? What river? I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE, I DON’T SEE A FUCKIN RIVER! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ASK SOMEONE WHERE THE FUCKING RIVER IS? MANHATTAN’S AN ISLAND, THERE’S RIVER ALL OVER THE PLACE!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Hipster girl #1: Oooh. She’s all Chinese and thinks she’s cute. I hate her.
Hipster girl #2: Actually, she’s Japanese. I’m pretty sure there’s a difference.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, the price of the food.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Amber Lowery
Guy #1: Hey. Is it hailing out?
Guy #2: Hail yeah!
Silence for a few seconds.
Guy #2: I said…
Guy #1: I heard you. Shut up.
–Joe’s Pizza, Carmine & 6th Ave
Overheard by: james clunie
Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.
–2nd Ave & 10th Street
Overheard by: Alia Lesoix
Woman #1: I am so tired!
Woman #2: You don’t look tired!
Man: Oh, you haven’t seen her naked!
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Overheard by: Alex Barragan
Scrabble girl: “Gooeesay” is so not a word.
Scrabble guy: That’s “guise.”
Scrabble girl: Ha! Well, smart guy, you spelled it wrong. “Guys” is spelled G-U-Y-S.
Scrabble guy: Are you serious?
Scrabble girl: Sorry, there’s no way I’m letting you get away with that after you wouldn’t give me any points for “Steve.”
Scrabble guy: How long have we been dating?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Uncle Joe
Guy, about to hit on girl: Hey. [looks down at his sleeve as it slides into some bar toe-jam]
Girl: What’s wrong?
Guy: I just got something on my favorite sweatshirt. [starting to get really stressed]
Girl: I don’t know if you know about this, but there’s these metal boxes you put you clothes in and it will clean them.
Guy stares blankly at her.
Girl: Or, if you’re really lazy like me, you can just take it someplace and have a short Asian woman use the box for you.
Guy still looks at her, confused.
Girl leaves bar.
–Automatic Slims, Washington & Bethune
Guy #1: Yeah, he’s a pretty good director… what’s his name again? The hobbit guy?
Guy #2: Uhhh…Peter something…
Guy #1: Yeah, Peter North! I love that guy’s movies.
–AMC Empire 25, Times Square
Hipster with small dog: I used to be in the Navy. What is your training?
Sailor: I’ll be on a sub, learning to shoot nuclear warheads.
Hipster: Shit man, that’s intense.
Sailor: I know, I’m not really into violence.
–Stanton & Ludlow
Overheard by: Dan Levin
Hobo: Damn girl, yo ass look fine in them Levis!
Jappy girl: What? These are True Religion!
–47th & Lex
