Yeah, What Are Those? Last Year’s Blahniks?

Calm mom to five-year-old: Please don’t lick your shoe.
Five-year-old: Mommy, can you wipe my mouth out?
Mommy: No, sweetie. We can’t wipe things out of our mouths. Honey, we don’t lick the bottoms of our shoes. It’s simply not the way we go about doing things. Do you understand that it’s not Mommy being mean? Look around. Do you see any other children’s mommies letting them lick their shoes? No, you don’t, because children who lick their shoes get sick and die.
Other five-year-old: I don’t lick my shoes!

–Murray & W Broadway

Posted on May 1, 2007
Advice, Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Death, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Shoes, West Village

Meet the Inventor of the Belinda Displeasure Scale

Little girl: If the teacher said if something was really, really good, would that make you really happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said if something was good, would that make you happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was sorta good, would that make you so-so?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was bad, would that make you mad?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was really bad, would that make you really mad?
Mother: It would make me sick!

–97th & 3rd

Overheard by: squid

Posted on May 1, 2007
Girls, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, School and studying, Upper East Side

Reader Poll: Will That Quote Ever Fucking Die?!

Boy at screen door: Mom, can I come in?
Mom: Show me.
Boy: What?
Mother: Show me the money.

–Meserole Ave, Greenpoint

Posted on April 27, 2007
Boys, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Questions, Talking/Convos, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Can I Have a Little Childhood, Here?

A stray kitten wanders up to a little girl who bends down to pet it.

Mom: Come on, sweetie, it’s time to cross the street.
Little girl, dismayed: But I’m petting the kitty.
Mom: Honey, we need to go. Say bye-bye, now.
Little girl: Goddammit, mommy, I’m petting the kitty!

–17th & 6th

Posted on April 21, 2007
Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village

A Waiter Put It Back Using a Napkin and a Warm Spoon

Mother, scolding: And this is the same little boy who took out his penis in a nice restaurant.
Little boy: It was a wonderful restaurant!

–Garfield Pl, Park Slope

Overheard by: ruckerbry

Posted on April 21, 2007
Kids, Moms, Park Slope, Penis

They Have That Ritalin Glow about Them

Little boy pointing to subway ad: Mommy, what are those?
Mother: Those are grown-ups.
Little boy: Kids.
Mother: No, those are just happy grown-ups, so they look like kids.

–1 train

Posted on April 17, 2007
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Philosophy

For the Last Time, It’s Called a Padded Bra

Mom: John, you’re killing me!
Son hugging her tightly: Wear your armor next time.

–Outside the Met

Overheard by: Sumo

Posted on April 16, 2007
Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, The Met

Or Catholicracy, or Islaminite, or Christiansen. You’re an Atheion

Ignorant mom: Why do you have all that hair on your head? Are you a Jew?
Poor kid: Yes!
Ignorant mom: You’re not a Jew! You do not practice Jew-ism.

–A train

Overheard by: A Devout Jesus-ist

Posted on April 14, 2007
Judaism, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Stupidity

Hey, I Had You for My Amusement, Not Yours

Yuppie mom: What did you do today, honey?
Three-year-old daughter: I don’t feel like talking, Mommy!

–10th & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on April 13, 2007
Kids, Moms, Parents, Park Slope, Yuppies

What’s That on Your Shirt? A Maple Leaf?

Mother: Honey, what is wrong with your eyes?
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: You look like you have allergies.
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: Maybe it’s pink eye.

–Central Park

Posted on April 13, 2007
Central Park, Drugs, Moms, Parents, Teens

Moms