Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.
–Starbucks, 30th and Park
Overheard by: Faetra
Student #1: When you walk through Chinatown, they push and shove right through you!
Student #2: Yeah, but you can’t get mad at them, because they do it to each other. It’s, like, cultural. [Students look over at a woman as she gets elbowed in the face by an old Asian man when he rubs his eye.]Student #1: Cultural… Cultural…
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Yankee: You’re from North Carolina? What is there to do in North Carolina, anyway?
Tourist: Oh, we tip over cows and lynch niggers.
–Havemeyer & Grand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: A Provincial New Yorker
Drunk guy: You know, in my next life time I want to be either reincarnated into a squirrel or into a tiny Mexican.
Drunk girl: What?! Why a tiny Mexican? Why not a tiny Asian or Caucasian?
Drunk guy: ‘Cause tiny Mexicans are awesome! They’re always funny, fit into small places, they work their asses off, and I can grow a cool mustache and get away with it! Why wouldn’t you want to be a tiny Mexican?!
–53rd & 9th
Overheard by: Javier
Headline by: R. Dilla
Runners-Up:
· “Because I Might Get Sucked Into the Leaf-blower” – bobofthejungle
· “Cause It’s Hard to Find Tiny Sombreros for Your Tiny Pepe” – Ninja Donkey
· “Plus I’d Get to Ride the Taco Bell Dog” – bob fredson
· “Plus Immigrating Via UPS Would Cost Less” – Ty
· “Regular-Sized INS Agents?” – nick
· “Yeah, but Guess What Else Is Tiny…” – Katy
Vendor to lady haggling in Chinese: We’re not Chinese — we’re Vietnamese. Fuck off.
–Canal St
Overheard by: tj
Headline by: Chris
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Make Me Shank You” – Joeritos
· “Even They Can’t Tell Each Other Apart.” – marko
· “Everyone’s a Rittle Bit Lacist” – Mikey G.
· “The Melting Pot Is Full” – Ecc
· “You Say Tǔ Dòu (potato) and I Say Khoai Tây (po-tah-to)” – H2
Black teen #1: Yo, let’s go see Blood Diamond.
Black teen #2, with African accent: No, I told you — I don’t want to see that.
Black teen #1: What are you talkin’ ’bout, don’t wanna see it? Nigga, you’re in it!
–Loews, Lincoln Center
Theater buff #1: So, do you think Michael Richards is a racist?
Theater buffs #2 and #3: Yes.
Theater buff #4: Nah.
Theater buff #1: Why not?
Theater buff #4: Because he’s a comedian and he yelled it on stage at a heckler. Racists don’t yell ‘nigger’ during a stand-up act in a comedy club. Racists yell ‘nigger’ when they’re driving a pickup truck dragging a chained-up black man behind them. People don’t fucking understand that a comedy improv can go horribly wrong!
–Sardi’s
Overheard by: Big Larry
Black girl: Hey, mister, can we pet your dog?
Tough guy with groomed white poodle on leash: Sure.
Black girl to friend: See, that’s what a poodle looks like when a white man owns it.
–10th & Christopher
Five-year-old: Daddy, I don’t wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!
–Loews cinema, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hobo has a point
Goy #1 examining a mezuzah: What are these things?
Goy #2: I think it’s a Jewish decoration.
Goy #1: Oh, yeah. I’ve seen them in Jewish people’s houses.
Goy #2: Yeah, I think it’s called a dreidel.
–Abigael’s on Broadway, 39th & Broadway
Overheard by: BobsBigBoys
