Italian American: You're from Italy? I'm Italian too.
Italian tourist: You're not Italian.
Italian American: What? You don't think my family's from Italy? Go fuck yourself.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Not Italian
Italian American: You're from Italy? I'm Italian too.
Italian tourist: You're not Italian.
Italian American: What? You don't think my family's from Italy? Go fuck yourself.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Not Italian
Flyer guy: Comedy show tonight? Come on, I know you speak English.
Pissed-off Asian chick: Not for you.
–Times Square
Drunk guy to foreign friend: So basically everyone in the US is either Irish, Italian, or German…but there are a lot of Puerto Ricans in my neighborhood.
–L Train
Overheard by: bildita
Rockabilly-styled hipster on cell: Just take your cheap Jewish ass back to Korea Town!
–St. Mark's Place
Tourist: There are so many Chinese in this city and they all speak fucking Spanish! It blows my mind!
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl on cell: So I may be a Siamese twin…
–57th & 10th
Overheard by: evil em
Woman exiting a Subway restaurant: I feel like I just ate a Mexican immigrant.
–56th & 10th Ave
Overheard by: A Mexican
Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.
–Manhattan
Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.
–Stern Building, NYU
Overheard by: Emily
Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!
–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: MR
Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!
–Vesey St & Church St
20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.
–Penn Station
NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.
–Brooklyn Bound Q Train
Overheard by: office peon
Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Alex and Colin
Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.
–Cooper Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.
–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st
Overheard by: HJWC
Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!
–30 Rock
Overheard by: Micky
Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.
–Bryant Park
(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.
–E 77th St
Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!
–Central Park
Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!
–Washington Square Park
Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.
–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?
–Broadway & 10th St
Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!
–14th & 6th
Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!
–23rd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: sara
Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!
–5th Ave & 49th St
Large black woman with large black turban: I am a full blooded Navajo Indian, I have the right to be here on this sidewalk!
Cop she’s arguing with: Well, wait a minute. You just said you were going home to Ethiopia. How the hell can you be a Navajo?
–6th Ave b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Ben Goldman
Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!
–E 9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.
–57th St Bus
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!
–6 Platform, Grand Central
Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…
–E Train
Overheard by: M_C
Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.
–Bard High School Early College Library
Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!
–Washington Square Park
Woman with thick Jersey accent, very seriously: I really need to get an accent. Accents are very important to people here.
–1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Drunk man screaming into cell: Stop fucking yelling!
–30th & 8th
Guy on phone: It just really bugs me that she’s always talking to other people about our relationship…
–Bedford & 4th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: andebobandy
Aussie bartender with heavy accent: He was complaining that the burger wasn’t flat because it’s hand-rolled and not frozen. [pause] Fucking foreigners.
–O’Keefe’s, Court Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NJH
Guy in wheelchair (peeing in a Snapple bottle) to friend: People are nasty.
–W 38th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bebe
