Girl on cell: So, guess where I am. No, I’m coming out to visit you! Well, okay, can I stay with you for a few days? I got kicked out of my apartment. I’ll find a new one soon. Why what? Oh, why did I get kicked out? Well, I crashed my landlord’s Ferrari…Well, I was drinking. You know me!
–Penn Station, LIRR
Girl #1: Oh my gawd, that guy just dropped his iPod under the train!
Girl #2: He’s not even crying!
Girl #1: He must be in shock. I would be!
–Penn Station, LIRR
Large black man on cell: So, I figured out what happened. Ebony was at the drug house with the first lesbian, but then that other lesbian that she stole two dollars from came. So that’s where you came in. And….hey? Are you there? Mom? Mom?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Lauren Sneath
Suit on cell: So I got some of that topical headache medicine. You know, the cream that comes in a giant chapstick tube so you just rub it on your head without getting it on your hands. Well, I don’t know if it worked. I got so much of it in my eyes that I had to spend the rest of the night in the emergency room.
–Penn Station
Suit on headset: You know, I have been so gassy lately.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: yum
Suit on cell: Hey, I found this guy I thought I’d fix you up with, but I talked to Elliot and he said he wouldn’t cross the street to piss on him, he’s an ethical scumbag… Yeah, I know that’s what everybody says about Elliott.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ken
Girl #1: I don’t like German Shepherds, they scare me.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl #2: Because they bark loud?
Girl #1: Yeah, that is scary, but the real reason is the Nazis used them in the Holocaust, so I don’t like them.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Guy #1: Yeah, and she had tits like eggplants.
Guy #2: And they were hairy?
Guy #1: Yeah, the hairs were like this long and black.
Guy #2: That’s fucking sick.
–Penn Station
Girl on cell: …And I was like, “Good thing you think I’m pregnant.”
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Halcyon Murphy
Guy #1: Yo man, he ain’t got no job and he don’t take care of his kids.
Guy #2: I know, but he’ll learn the hard way; we did.
Guy #1: He been to prison twice already; what else he got to learn?
–Penn Station
Guy #1: Did you know Bush agreed to share nuclear technology with the Indians?
Guy #2: Why do Indians need it? Oklahaoma is already a part of the US.
Guy #1: Dude, Indians as in citizens of India, a country in Asia.
Guy #2: I was never good at history.
Guy #1: You mean geography.
Guy #2: Asshole.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: margaret
