Friend reading magazine: Look! That guy has a double chin!
Queer: Yeah, that’s because he’s a fucking asshole that eats souls.
–1 train
Friend reading magazine: Look! That guy has a double chin!
Queer: Yeah, that’s because he’s a fucking asshole that eats souls.
–1 train
Girl: Don’t you feel bad?
Guy: About what?
Girl: For one, you’re in your girlfriend’s jeans, her jacket, her flats, and her fucking pearls. And second…
Guy: And second what?
Girl: You got fucked by three different guys in the two days she’s been out of town.
Guy: If I suck so much, why the fuck are we friends?
Girl: ‘Cause when she is out of town, I have my own little gay Barbie doll and fashion expert all in one. And it’s your turn to buy the manicures.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Julie
Woman: He’s very successful. I’m sure he’s a millionaire by now, and he’s only 26. He never even graduated from college.
Queer: I’m soooooo jealous. I wish I didn’t have an education.
–Mott & Houston
Old queen #1: I always thought that Dick Cavett was such a little asshole.
Old queen #2: I always found him to be downright delightful!
–Edison Diner, 47th St
Overheard by: I like Dick
Hobo, about queer: Look here, everyone! We got a whoopie here! There goes a whoopie!
Queer: I’m a fag. What the fuck is a whoopie?
–21st & 6th
Overheard by: Dana
Queer #1: In seventh grade I was the unicorn in the school play.
Queer #2: Oh my god! You were the unicorn? What play? I was the unicorn! Oh my god!
Queer #3: No fucking way! I was the motherfucking unicorn, too! This is fucking crazy!
Queer #1: I know! I can’t believe we were all fucking unicorns!
–Hollywood Diner, 16th & 6th
Queer: Hey, that guy’s pretty attractive. At least from behind…
Friend: Yeah, I guess so.
Queer: Sometimes that’s all that matters.
—The Apple Tree performance, Studio 54
Overheard by: whatever floats your boat
Chick: If he was straight he would have been staring at my breasts!
Queer passerby: It’s true.
–W 54th & 9th
Overheard by: Big Poppa
Jesus-freak: … And let it be known that if you disobey the holy book and God’s laws, you are eternally damned.
Queer: So, what happens to me if I’m gay?
Jesus-freak: You’re going to Hell in a hand basket!
Queer: Well, that hand basket better be fucking Prada, bitch!
–42nd St station
Overheard by: you go, girl
Lady suit: No way! I am not wearing that!
Queer friend: Darling, you will look fabulous in this dress! Just try it on.
Lady suit: Oh my god, I have never worn something like that before!
Queer friend: Honey, just trust me! Think of me as your Karl Rove, but not as old, and way better looking.
–6th Ave
