Old queen #1: I always thought that Dick Cavett was such a little asshole.
Old queen #2: I always found him to be downright delightful!
–Edison Diner, 47th St
Overheard by: I like Dick
Old queen #1: I always thought that Dick Cavett was such a little asshole.
Old queen #2: I always found him to be downright delightful!
–Edison Diner, 47th St
Overheard by: I like Dick
Hobo, about queer: Look here, everyone! We got a whoopie here! There goes a whoopie!
Queer: I’m a fag. What the fuck is a whoopie?
–21st & 6th
Overheard by: Dana
Queer #1: In seventh grade I was the unicorn in the school play.
Queer #2: Oh my god! You were the unicorn? What play? I was the unicorn! Oh my god!
Queer #3: No fucking way! I was the motherfucking unicorn, too! This is fucking crazy!
Queer #1: I know! I can’t believe we were all fucking unicorns!
–Hollywood Diner, 16th & 6th
Queer: Hey, that guy’s pretty attractive. At least from behind…
Friend: Yeah, I guess so.
Queer: Sometimes that’s all that matters.
—The Apple Tree performance, Studio 54
Overheard by: whatever floats your boat
Chick: If he was straight he would have been staring at my breasts!
Queer passerby: It’s true.
–W 54th & 9th
Overheard by: Big Poppa
Jesus-freak: … And let it be known that if you disobey the holy book and God’s laws, you are eternally damned.
Queer: So, what happens to me if I’m gay?
Jesus-freak: You’re going to Hell in a hand basket!
Queer: Well, that hand basket better be fucking Prada, bitch!
–42nd St station
Overheard by: you go, girl
Lady suit: No way! I am not wearing that!
Queer friend: Darling, you will look fabulous in this dress! Just try it on.
Lady suit: Oh my god, I have never worn something like that before!
Queer friend: Honey, just trust me! Think of me as your Karl Rove, but not as old, and way better looking.
–6th Ave
Queer: Oh my god, he fucked me so hard last night.
Friend: Wait — how hard?
Queer: Like, he literally fucked the shit out of me. He, like, knocked my tooth out and then I swallowed it when I gave him head. And then the next day I had to shit out the tooth.
Friend: Oh my god.
–114th & Amsterdam
Queer: … And when you meet my mother, do not ask about her ear.
Boyfriend: Why not?
Queer: Just don’t. And drink vodka!
Boyfriend: Not whiskey?
Queer: And if she asks you to pet the dog, for the love of God, you pet the dog.
–C train station, 96th & Central Park West
Overheard by: What about the buttsex?
NYU girl: When you meet a straight guy can you please introduce him to me?
NYU queer: There’s, like, a waiting list for them.
–Rubin residence hall, NYU
