Little girl: And I’ll be the mommy and you’ll be the daddy and she’ll be the baby!
Little boy: No, I want to be the mommy!
Little girl: Well, we can’t be gay, because that’s illegal in New York.
Nanny: Who told you that?!
Little girl: My mommy.
–Rite Aid, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Monika
Young thug #1: Man, you ain’t got no girl.
Young thug #2: I do, too, man.
Young thug #3: You mean that 13-year-old I saw with you the other day?
Young thug #2: She’s 16, man, and I just forgot her name.
–180th & 90th, Jamaica, Queens
Overheard by: Mehdi Hasan Sheikh
Male coworker: … And that’s how I lost all feeling in my fingers.
Female coworker: Man, that’s fucked up.
Male coworker: I am fucked up. I used to try and have four different personalities.
Female coworker: I remember that. You still doing that shit?
Male coworker: Only with my girlfriend.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Jacqui
Haitian worker #1: Yo, no offense, but that’s what I don’t like about black girls.
Haitian worker #2: Yeah…
Haitian worker #1: You gotta find yourself a good white girl. And not just one from, like, Baltimore, ’cause they mad ghetto. You gotta find a good white girl from, like, Indianapolis, You know, down South.
–Gray’s Papaya, Chelsea
Girl #1: … And then I kicked him in the nuts. And, like, I drew blood.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: I know, right? So, I go to bed, and while I’m sleeping he writes ‘Best friends’ on my door… in blood.
–Barcade, Williamsburg
Windbreaker guy: So, we go to dinner, and she tells me I’m boring, that we never do anything different.
Tweed blazer guy: So, what are you going to do?
Windbreaker guy: Next time we have sex I’m going to pull out and ejaculate on her feet.
–79th & Broadway
Old queer #1: Don’t pull out your money here!
Old queer #2, putting wallet away: I’ll do what I want!
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Boyfriend: Wha– what?
Girlfriend: Weren’t you listening?
Boyfriend: I’m really excited to see Social D tonight. I haven’t been paying attention for the last hour.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Friendly male barista: Hi, what can I do you for?
Stoner #1: I’m not a fuckin’ queer, man.
Stoner #2: Yeah, man. And even if he was, he’d be mine!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: The girl in line behind this guy
Girl #1: Go plant your seeds in another garden.
Girl #2: But I like him, he’s my tree.
Girl #3: That tree belongs to someone else — he’s already been peed on!
Girl #2: But I peed on him first!
–44th & Broadway
