Girl: I can’t believe you took me to Bryant Park to propose to me!
Boy: But I want to marry you!
Girl: And you got down on one knee and what did you expect me to say?
Boy: That you will marry me?
Girl: But I can’t marry you — you sleep with boys!
–B train, 42nd St
Chick: Whoa, you were married?
Guy: Yup. Six years.
Chick: What happened?
Guy: Ummm… We were too different.
Chick: Different how?
Guy: Well, I’m the kind of person who wanted to pay off all his med school bills and live abroad for a few years. She’s the kind of person who wanted to fuck other guys.
Chick: [Shocked.]Guy: Hey, you asked.
–F train, York St
Girl #1: I’m so bored in life. I’m thinking of getting a boy toy.
Girl #2: Well, what about Mark?
Girl #1: Things with him are too straightforward. I want someone I can manipulate.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Columbia Student
Little girl: And I’ll be the mommy and you’ll be the daddy and she’ll be the baby!
Little boy: No, I want to be the mommy!
Little girl: Well, we can’t be gay, because that’s illegal in New York.
Nanny: Who told you that?!
Little girl: My mommy.
–Rite Aid, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Monika
Young thug #1: Man, you ain’t got no girl.
Young thug #2: I do, too, man.
Young thug #3: You mean that 13-year-old I saw with you the other day?
Young thug #2: She’s 16, man, and I just forgot her name.
–180th & 90th, Jamaica, Queens
Overheard by: Mehdi Hasan Sheikh
Male coworker: … And that’s how I lost all feeling in my fingers.
Female coworker: Man, that’s fucked up.
Male coworker: I am fucked up. I used to try and have four different personalities.
Female coworker: I remember that. You still doing that shit?
Male coworker: Only with my girlfriend.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Jacqui
Haitian worker #1: Yo, no offense, but that’s what I don’t like about black girls.
Haitian worker #2: Yeah…
Haitian worker #1: You gotta find yourself a good white girl. And not just one from, like, Baltimore, ’cause they mad ghetto. You gotta find a good white girl from, like, Indianapolis, You know, down South.
–Gray’s Papaya, Chelsea
Girl #1: … And then I kicked him in the nuts. And, like, I drew blood.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: I know, right? So, I go to bed, and while I’m sleeping he writes ‘Best friends’ on my door… in blood.
–Barcade, Williamsburg
Windbreaker guy: So, we go to dinner, and she tells me I’m boring, that we never do anything different.
Tweed blazer guy: So, what are you going to do?
Windbreaker guy: Next time we have sex I’m going to pull out and ejaculate on her feet.
–79th & Broadway
Old queer #1: Don’t pull out your money here!
Old queer #2, putting wallet away: I’ll do what I want!
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
