Dude: Are you sure this new guy you are seeing is the one?
Drunk girl: Definitely. I mean, we have been together since September, and I haven’t slept with another guy yet — that is huge for me! I already hooked up with all the bartenders, all the chefs, and all the sous chefs at my job.
–Yama, 17th & Irving Pl
Overheard by: kreeeeeeeeeesta
Girl: Don’t you feel bad?
Guy: About what?
Girl: For one, you’re in your girlfriend’s jeans, her jacket, her flats, and her fucking pearls. And second…
Guy: And second what?
Girl: You got fucked by three different guys in the two days she’s been out of town.
Guy: If I suck so much, why the fuck are we friends?
Girl: ‘Cause when she is out of town, I have my own little gay Barbie doll and fashion expert all in one. And it’s your turn to buy the manicures.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Julie
Fat lady #1: I don’t know… I ain’t into all that freaky shit.
Fat lady #2: You just need to tell him you can’t be his nasty bitch no more.
Fat lady #1: I know that’s right, girl.
–6 train platform
Overheard by: Peter
Woman #1: He slept with Mary?
Woman #2: And to think that I was this close to falling in love with him.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Little sis: I don’t know. I’m just really confused. Like, how am I supposed to know what I want in a guy? You know? Like, what’s your perfect guy?
Big sis: One with 6 weeks to live.
Little sis: Huh?
Big sis: Nevermind… God, that would be great, though.
–1 train platform, 23rd St
Yuppie: You know, that’s a very expensive beer you’re not drinking.
Girlfriend: Can’t we have one night where you don’t quote American Psycho?
Yuppie: Oh, he bought her Chardonnay. Don’t worry, I’m not a Chardonnay guy.
Girlfriend: Whatever. Just don’t nail-gun me in my sleep tonight. Again.
–Iggy’s on Rivington
Ladies’ man: I can’t understand it. First it was Armenians, now it’s redheads. It’s this incredible power I can’t control.
Friend: I know, dude. You’re a lucky pimp.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Abram
Man #1: Has she told you that she loves you yet?
Man #2: No… She’s much too intelligent for that.
–Unioin Square
Girl on cell: Well, how would Mom know what to do? Back in the old days a woman who slept with your husband never baked you a pie!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: at a loss
Guy: Man, I’ve been married two days and I want to cheat!
–W 4th St station
Overheard by: noseinabook
Chick on cell: Oh my god, now they’re fighting… Yes! She’s screaming at him in the middle of street! No, she has no idea we got back together… I don’t know, but it’s really creepy — it’s like she knew we’d be here this morning — she walked in like two minutes after we did… Oh my god, she’s coming in! Quick, get down here and make out with me so she thinks I’m a lesbian!
–Starbucks, Union Square
Overheard by: That works…
Guy at table: … And I’ve got my finger in another guy’s wife’s pussy, basically…
–Outside Starbucks, Cooper Union
Overheard by: Paul
Woman on cell: I apologize in advance, but you know I love you. And if you weren’t married, I’d be in love with you.
–35th & Lenox, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rei
Middle-aged lady on cell: Okay, honey, bye-bye. I still love you even though you have a wife and kid.
–JetBlue flight, JFK runway
Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything!
–L train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Ht-hrw
Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs.
–7th & Ave A
Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home.
–14th St & Union Square South
Overheard by: Almost Tourist
Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute.
–Outside The Slaughtered Lamb
Overheard by: bonzo
Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion.
–120th & Amsterdam
Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins!
–Montrose stop
Overheard by: big baby
Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind.
–Columbus Circle
