Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!
–Hoboken PATH
Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.
–F train downtown
Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Ben Beckley
Chick: I’m going to get some popcorn. Do you want anything to eat?
Queer: Nah, no thanks.
Chick: So just my vajayjay then?
Queer: Yep, thanks.
–Lincoln Square Theater, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jas
Girl on cell: It kinda stops being sexy when you can’t breath.
Little old lady: Oy Gevalt!
–Smith & 9th Street station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Braincurve
Guy #1: Alright, we gonna have a good time today.
Guy #2: Eww, you use condoms — when I do it, I do it for real!
Guy #1’s girlfriend: And get the girl pregnant?
Guy #2: Something called birth control!
Girlfriend: That doesn’t mean you won’t get STDs.
Guy #2: Well, I make sure she doesn’t have STDs!
Girlfriend: But all whores have STDs, and those are the only pussy you can ever get!
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: Vincent Ku
Girl: I mean, I never want to get married. Like… never. But I really want babies. So I guess I’m just going to have a bastard.
–Marquet Cafe, 15 East 12th St
Overheard by: Grace
Chick: There are two types of men in this world. The type that would sleep with Paul Newman and the type that would sleep with Robert Redford, and they can’t be both. What are you?
Gay guy: Paul Newman
Chick: And you?
Asexual guy: Um…Paul Newman.
Silence.
Chick: Aren’t you going to ask me?
Gay guy: No, I don’t care.
Asexual guy: Me neither.
–F train, 2nd Ave
Girl #1: I sucked his balls for part of the time he shaved me. I don’t know what possessed me to tell you that.
Girl #2: Possibly because you’re you? And I’m me?
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Italian #1: So my buddy Max was telling he how how he hooked up with this Puerto Rican chick the other night and it was…
Italian #2: And it was the best sex he ever had, right?
Italian #1: Man, you alway fuck up my stories by cutting in.
Italian #2: Fine, finish the story.
Italian #2: Fuck you, you already wrecked it!
–Union Square
Gay guys are on line with a group of straight guys behind them.
Gay guy #1: I think I want a hot dog.
Gay guy #2: I can help you with that.
Gay guy #3: People can hear you.
They walk away
Straight guy to friends: I would make such a good gay guy.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Hogan
Girl: So did you guys end up having sex last night?
Guy: No, we had Chinese food.
–6 train
Overheard by: Talia
