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Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

We Were Playing Magic: The Gathering and My Hand Slipped

Mac specialist #1: Hey, what’s up, man?
Mac specialist #2: Not much, man. Take a look at this [holds up his pinky finger, looking disgusted].
Mac specialist #1: What is that?
Mac specialist #2: I think I fingered somebody.
Mac specialist #1: No!

–Apple, 5th Ave

Does That Mean That Hugo Chavez Doesn’t Wear Pasties?

Nerd: Didn’t Fidel Castro die this week?
Geek: No.
Nerd: Oh… I must have had that dream again.

–William Gibson signing, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

Headline by: mark manne

Runners-Up:
· “And Jessica Simpson Didn’t Blow You Either.” – Chuck Roast
· “Freud: Sometimes a Dream About a Cigar Is Just a Dream About a Cigar” – Vasyl
· “I Guess Rush Limaugh and I Weren’t Tied Up and Spanked by Midgets Either?” – Cru Jones
· “I Guess That’s Why the Easter Bunny Was There” – allison
· “Winney the Pooh Being Raped by Danger Mouse Was Kind Of a Tip Off” – Kit Kat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Okay, Okay, It Was Wine Coolers

College girl to friend: Yeah, my roommate and I had a cute, girly apartment last year… with a fridge full of beer.
Old black guy nearby: Hahahaha.

–Target

Overheard by: alie

I Can Never Find Waldo

Girl #1: Eh, let’s get out of here. [They leave right after walking in.]Girl #2: I hate books.
Girl #1: Yeah, me too.

–St. Mark’s Book Shop

And Relieve You of All Unwanted Currency

Sales clerk: Can I help you with anything?
Depressed girl: I just want to find the nearest window to jump out of.
Sales clerk: I can escort you to the highest point of the store.

–Toys ‘R’ Us, 42nd St

Two Hours of Me Scratching My Armpits Would Be Better Than Waterworld

Employee #1 sinking dejectedly next to bookshelf: There should be a movie of my life.
Employee #2: That would be the worst movie ever.
Employee #1: Heyyy!

–The Strand

I’m Nostalgic for a Time I Never Lived Through

Suit #1: You want to hear something really embarrassing?
Suit #2: Okay, what?
Suit #1: I’ve been listening to the Grateful Dead a lot lately.
Suit #2: Dude, that’s not cool at all.

–Annie O’s

Overheard by: Nicole

They’ll Have Their Own Reality Series within a Week

Girl #1: Okay, let’s go around the table and tell horrible hook-up stories.
Girl #2: Can anything top the time I woke up stark-naked in London after a night partying in New York?
Girl #3: No one can top that. Unless you consider the time I stole a guy’s car in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame.
Girl #4: Don’t forget the part where you wrecked it and went to jail…

–Spice Market, 13th & 9th

Overheard by: Jess

Grandma’s Always Thinking Ahead

Black guy: Excuse me, brotha, may I borrow your phone for two minutes?
Old man: Sure.
Black guy, on phone: Wassup, baby? I’m on the line for the liquor store right now… What the fuck you mean ‘What line’? The line to get into the fuckin’ liquor store! … I said, the fuckin’ line fo’ the fuckin’ liquor store! You fuckin’ retarded? I said the fuckin’– Oh, okay. [Hangs up, handing the phone back] She already got the liquor!

–Outside liquor store, Webster Ave

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