Teacher: If you were convicted of murder, who would you send to ride to the king to get a pardon?
Student: A rider.
Teacher: Can you spell that? Do you mean a ‘writer’?
Student: R-I-D-E-R — someone who is good with horses.
Teacher: So what is important is his sportsmanship?
Student: Maybe a servant? A friend of the king?
Teacher: What is one of the oldest professions?
Student: A prostitute?
Teacher: A lawyer!
–New York Law School
Teacher: Do you know who the Evangelists were?
Student: Weren’t they, like, God’s bitches?
–Parson’s Art History class
Guy on bike: You look like you might need some help. [Hands student a business card] I mean, I can help you.
Student: What?
Guy on bike: Uh, ummm, I sell weed.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Mike Schwartz
NYU chick #1: So in my class today we were talking about eunuchs — you know, like from the middle ages and shit — and whenever I hear ‘eunuch,’ I think of Munich, like the city.
NYU chick #2: Um… Maybe because it rhymes.
NYU chick #1: No shit it rhymes, but whenever people talk about China do you start to think about a vagina?
NYU chick #2: You’re weird.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: thank god i’m not in college anymore
Drama Major: If I have to hear one more thing about Ancient Greek or Roman Drama.
Drama Minor: Oh, I know.
Drama Major: I have Oedipus coming out of my ass!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Douche
Guy: Just look! Look behind us! There’s nobody! I just bought coke. Look, just give me 20 back and I’ll leave you alone all night. I swear. I don’t go to F.I.T. I go to West Point.
–8th Ave & 25th St
Boy #1: They’ve been broken up for two weeks and she’s still suckin’ his dick.
Boy #2: Yeah.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill campus
Overheard by: Brendan
Black NYU boy: For some reason, every Asian here has a rice cooker.
Black girl: Why?
Black NYU boy: I don’t know, I guess because they’re Asian.
Black girl: That’s so stupid. I’m black, but you don’t see me with a chicken fryer.
–8th St & University Pl
Overheard by: yo mama
Professor: How many hours between eight o’clock and ten o’clock?
Student: Three!
Professor: No, between eight and ten.
Student: Eight, nine, ten. Three.
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Guy #1: I have been thinking some deep shit recently.
Girl #1: Yeah, I mean, me too.
Girl #2: Me too.
Girl #3: Me too.
–Columbia University
