Thugette on cell: Yeah, I’m planning on getting arrested this weekend. That’s my new thing now. Instead of going to the club and shit, I’m just going to get arrested.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Metrosexual: Oh my god! Did you hear that Paris Hilton just escaped from prison?
–Broadway & Prince
Mom eating fried chicken: I always thought Penn Station stop was named after a penitentiary…
–A train
Overheard by: Denning
Mocking cop to dude he just arrested: You’ve got jail!
–West Village
Suit #1: So, what books do you have on your retirement list to read?
Suit #2: Well, it’s a long list, but at the very top is ‘Finnegan’s Rainbow.’
–47th, between 5th & 6th
Fat woman: Where do you want to eat?
Fat man: I don’t know. I’m kind of in the mood for Pizza Hut.
Fat woman: But Wendy’s is healthier…
–14th St
Roommate #1: Work sucks. I’m so tired. I’m going to go to bed.
Roommate #2: Yeah, you should go to bed. You seem pretty sad, but not as sad as you’re going to be tomorrow morning.
Roommate #1: Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to suck.
Roommate #2: Hey, man, don’t worry. Tomorrow is going to be great! Good things are going to happen.
Roommate #1: Yeah, but not to us.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Dave
Black guy #1: Yes, well, we look alike because we’re fraternal twins.
Black guy #2: Yeah, you didn’t know we were brothers?
White guy: Everyone said you guys were brothers, but I figured they meant ‘brothas’ and not actual brothers.
Black guy #1: Oh… Okay. Hey, look, we’re at Shea.
–LIRR, Shea Stadium
College dude #1: You know what I hate about New York?
College dude #2: What?
College dude #1: Female mustaches.
College dude #2: You don’t think there are women with mustaches anywhere else?
College dude #1: No, but there are shitloads more here than anywhere else, and no one seems to care.
College dude #2: Touché.
–59th & 10th
Fat guy: I love you.
Cute girl: Do you really mean what you say, or are you just saying it?
Fat guy: Of course I mean it. [They make out, then chick leaves.] What a dumb bitch.
–W4 station
Overheard by: Ting
Customer: Do you sell Lacoste here?
Sales associate: No, but they have a door right down on Spring Street.
Customer: How do I get there?
Sales associate: You go out our front door, make a right, and at the intersection make a left and the Lacoste store is right around the corner.
Customer: And they sell Lacoste there?
–Bloomingdales, Soho
Man: So, you think I can’t understand because I don’t have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don’t sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You’re crossing your legs so condescendingly!
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Lemma
Headline by: Manbo
Runners-Up:
· “Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina” – John Gray
· “I’m Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly” – shenanigans
· “I’m Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression.” – robs
· “Well You’re Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly” – burnt toast
· “Worst Yoga Class Ever” – benji
· “Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me” – pw
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
