Ghetto teen #1: Is it okay to write ‘Well, damn?!’ in a college essay?
Ghetto teen #2: No! It’s not appropriate enough. Let me see that… Damn. You sound arrogant as shit in this. Write something else.
Ghetto teen #1: What the hell am I s’posed to say? ‘Geez, Louise’?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Cyndi
Woman #1: Well, have fun in Vegas.
Woman #2: Thanks. I want to win big and get laid.
Woman #1: Well, use protection, honey.
Woman #2: Is that a new product?
–Macy’s Herald Square
MTA worker #1: Que sera, sera.
MTA worker #2: Is that French?
MTA worker #1: Yeah.
–Times Square subway station
Overheard by: Cat
Tourist #1: Is the show over?
Tourist #2: No, it says here that it’s intermission.
Tourist #3: What do you do during intermission?
–Ambassador Theatre
Overheard by: sophia
Teacher: So, as you can see, this car in the picture reduces air resistance and can accelerate faster.
Student #1, chuckling: Yeah, and plus, it’s yellow, so that makes it faster, too.
Teacher, laughing: Haha, yeah, very true.
Student #2: Wait, really?
–Physics class, St. Ann’s School
Overheard by: Mike N
Commuter chick: I had this crazy dream last night.
Friend: Yeah?
Commuter chick: Yeah, I was on a magic carpet ride.
Friend: Wow, how’d it feel?
Commuter chick: Like a rug.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: medic
Hobo standing and applauding as Asian guy walks by: Yeah! Woo-hoo! You’re Chinese! Yeah! Go for you! Woo!
Asian guy: I don’t have the heart to tell him I’m Korean.
–8th & 6th
Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.
–60th & Central Park South
Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?
–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: tj
Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…
–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel
Overheard by: Angela
Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.
–L train to Williamsburg
Overheard by: Subway Goer
Spanish guy: She’s half Spanish.
Black woman: No, she’s black.
Spanish guy: No, she’s half Spanish.
Black woman: She ain’t no half Spanish. Her name is Juanita. That don’t sound Spanish to me.
–Holiday Inn, 57th & 10th
Overheard by: CGS
Old black guy #1: You know who really has their shit together?
Old black guy #2: Who?
Old black guy #1: The Amish.
Old black guy #2: For sure.
–F train
